Forum Game Tsme Fack™


Nah, we got loads of commands. I was just lazy.

>Try to figure out why you are the only human on the planet.

Well, let's not jump to conclusions. Just because you're the only human in the room doesn't mean you're the only human in the world, right? Right? OHGODOHGODOHGOD. Of course you are. How could you not have noticed? It's rather obvious that you must be the only human alive. There can't be a better explanation. You're shocked and begin to panic. Your composure goes down. This can't be happening... No, it's not true! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

And indeed, according to logic and common sense, that is, indeed, impossible. Judging by the architecture and the general population, a more logical explanation would be that you're simply in Engrand, a country in which humans are a minority. This is something anyone over the age of 3 who doesn't live in a cave under the sea on another planet in another universe with no knowledge of the outside world should know.

You continue firmly believing that you're the only human on the planet nonetheless.

>Remember that you are the last human left, due to the great clock war of `94

You try to find a more logical explanation, and this one comes to mind. Of course all other humans were killed in a massive war, and of course you, of all people, are the sole survivor of a genocide. Damn those clocks!

Of course, chronids aren't clocks, they're merely clock-like, and not even all of them are. Clocks are inanimate. You don't care. You speciesist.

>Proceed to have a 'Nam Flashback

You're not sure what 'Nam is, so you just have a recent-fight-with-your-captor flashback.

>Pull a gun from said flashback, and use it to assist on your quest

You didn't have a gun, but you did have a magical flamethrower painting. Unfortunately, that one got destroyed.

You take the clock hand you stabbed yourself with and hold it like a gun, which is the next best thing.

>Swap eyes with the watch.

>ask around for info on your kidnapper
That won't be necessary, he has just entered the coffee shop

>Express your hatred for clocks by lighting this place on fire.
As much as you want to hate clocks, you really don't. They just annoy you. You do, however, hate this place as your captor is in it, so you burn it down.

He's not inside anymore, so you hate the outside world instead.


> Remember you are Arch-Wizard from the school of Clockwarts, school of Ravenclock, and use your intelligence and knowledge of magic to use the clock hand as a wand, and cast "Avada Kedavra" on your captor
> Chant in Latin again, but try harder this time

Quidquid Latine dictum sit...

...altum videtur.

That didn't do much. Your wound is gone, but you're pretty sure that's because of your SGTT.

> Attempt to set your captor on fire.

There's no need for that. He's so hot he spontaneously combusts.

> Vomit kittens at him.

You imagine yourself vomiting kittens in his direction. They do no damage.


>Challenge it to an arm wrestling match.

You're not sure he understands how arm wrestling works. Doesn't matter, you lost anyway.

>Make a sword using the other clock hand as the blade and part of your captor's arm as the hilt

He's fine with letting you go grab the other hand, but he's not going to let you take part of his arm. That is where he draws the line.

Does anyone here still read this?


Toolmaker of Bucuresti
Forum Staff
Set up the alarm clock (to the left on the top panel of this picture) to cause a distraction. Or whatever it is. That thing on its face clearly looks like some sort of winder or something.


Sorry for the long wait. We used to have more frequent updates, but that's because we started with more people, allowing us to update even if some of us couldn't. Then some people left and others have become a bit less active. As far the update schedule is concerned, this usually isn't a very big deal. Except when someone can't do updates for one reason or another and there's no one to replace them. Or something. Also we're procrastinators which is the main reason but shhhhh.

>Set up the alarm clock (to the left on the top panel of this picture) to cause a distraction. Or whatever it is. That thing on its face clearly looks like some sort of winder or something.

This is not going well.

>Cut off his pendulum with the clock hand
>Remember you are the last samurai. Use your samurai skills to annihilate enemy combatants.
>Stab him in the pendulum, and then RUN.
>Run, Run for your life

You try to attack him, but something slows you down as you approach him. He moves out of the way effortlessly. You can escape, now, though. You just keep running, but he follows you. He catches up pretty easily and begins talking to you.

"I'm glad you're finally starting to cooperate and that in you're so much of a hurry to get to the church..."

"...but I'm afraid it's this way."


With Christmas and New Year being far behind us, we no longer have any excuses, so winter procrastination season is over. This means we're back. Have a small update before more stuff actually starts happening. Anyway, before we get to the update, some announcements. We need your help, and there are two ways you can help us. The first one is something anyone can do. We need more readers. You see, interactive webcomic game things like this one rely on reader input. There's an ideal activity range for them. If there's not enough activity, the limited set of commands sometimes means not much can actually happen, and throwing in too many creator-made commands can make player input seem less important. Too much activity, on the other hand, give the creators a lot of freedom, but the result is quite similar. They get so many options that they're pretty much free to do whatever they want to, so the interactive element is almost meaningless and can (and sometimes is) be removed. Fortunately, we're unlikely to ever get the latter problem, but we do have the former. We don't have many sources for these commands, and we often don't get that many. There are times when we have as much activity as we want, but there are occasions when we really don't have much to work with. This is basically why we need you to spread the word, just a bit. If you know someone who might be interested in this but isn't on this forum, give them this link, maybe encourage them to submit a command occasionally. Even if we only get a few new readers who submit commands from this, it will make a huge difference.
The second thing you could do is try to join our team. We need a new member, specifically an artist. Although so far most of the art has been fairly simple and sometimes even poorly drawn, there will be times when we'll need something more complex. We used to have several people who were available most of the time and capable of doing art that's actually any good, but this is just a project we're doing for its own sake, which means sometimes people will have to leave. This means that we only have one such artist left so our team only has one such person left. Other than us being busy or just lazy pigs, this is also a reason why we can't update as fast as we used to. Having another artist or two would help us greatly. So, if you want to help this project and you're a somewhat decent artist, PM me. TL:DR We need you to advertise it a bit and possibly one of you as a new artist to join our team.

>Realise that you are in a delirious state conjured by your mind.

Ah, yes, you must be hallucinating. None of this is happening. At least you hope it's not... But what if it is? You probably shouldn't risk doing something stupid.. You just need to act like any sane individual would.

>Do a stupid dance to waste time.

Is this silly enough for you?

>Realize your sheer girt thing has been broken ever since you stabbed yourself with the clock hand

Yeah, this isn't good. The SGTT is really unpredictable when something like this happens and you have no idea what could happen while it's in this state. You hope it's not permanent.

>Take some horse viagra, scare off the clock
>Mentally scar him by discarding protective gear.

He's seen worse.

>Make a clock face out of confusion!

>Attempt to perform a Jedi mind trick on your captor

You do a Jedi mind trick, whatever that is.

"You are not taking me to some random church."
"I am not taking you to some random church."
"Why aren't you letting me go?"
"I'm taking you to the Church of M"

Although Star Wars doesn't exist in your universe and so it's not a concept you're familiar with, you're still pretty sure that's not what a mind trick is supposed to do.
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> Tsme Fack: Return

Return? It was never gone. Whachu talkin' about?

> How 'bout a nice recap?

Alright, fine. I suppose it's fair to give you a recap in case you need a refreseher after all this time. And if you're a new reader or have missed some updates, you may want to take a look at the archive. It shows the full story so far, explaining things in more detail and letting you catch up better: ANYWAY, enough of that, time for the recap.

> Finally! recap RECAP R-E-C-A-P!!!!

Our story begins with the bravest hero of them all, George Von Spaghettishirt. He was, and is, magnificent. He had gone on a perilous journey, travelling the land, defeating fiend after fiend until one day, everything changed. Fortunately, you don't need to worry about that. You're not him. And while he was busy saving the world, you were stuck in your own home, trapped by a person who apparently loves interior design. You escape your prison, only to discover your homer, which is a living, mobile house, has been taken to a random Engrish city. You face down your captor, who was waiting for the roof, and in this heroic struggle... You get your ass kicked, and he drops you off in a random café so you can wait for him there. Naturally, when he comes back, you burn down the coffee shop. Because of course you do. At that point, he decides that things have gotten a bit too hot here, so he decides to drag you off to the Church of M. And that's it. You're on the way to the Church of M now.

>Tell him you don't believe in M

"I can't believe the Church of M still exists," you believe to explain, "it's low brain activity crap no one should waste their time on. No wonder you're religious, though. Searching for actual answers would require you to actually use both your brain cells. I don't understand what you're trying to achieve here. I don't need your gods of the gaps nonsense, I'm an atheist!"

"What's that on your head, then?"

"You couldn't even begin to understand the profound message behind it. Wearing the August Cap as an atheist is the truest expression of self-awareness, with more levels of irony than a simpleton like you could even comprehend. Why am I even trying to explain that to you? What a waste of time."

>Wonder where the cat thing is

You have no idea

>Release a swarm of termites on your captor then make your escape while he's distracted
Unfortunately, you don't have any

>Wait for him to get distracted then reach for the knob on his back and set him to the wrong time

You feel around for a knob but there isn't one. The clock gets what you're trying to do and plays along. His face didn't show the right time in the first place, but good job

> Attempt to distract the clock with friendly banter
> Ask why you are being taken to the Church of M

He's ignoring you

>He's got enough spinning momentum to become a bowling ball. OPEN THE CHURCH DOOR!

Off you g-...

> Suddenly switch to another character

This is the last straw! Bringing in an arsonist? The Church has been getting away with too much sh*t lately. Someone needs to put them in their place, and if the police won't do it, damn it, you will!
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> Remove your leg

None left, sorry.

> Where are you right now?

>Examine self, and number of pockets available.

Depending on who you are, either you have no pockets at all, or your trousers are like a universe and the space they provide just as vast. You have more pockets than there are stars in the sky or grains of sand in the desert. You could store the world thrice over, and still not run out of pockets. You are pockets. Pockets are you.


Or maybe you just have like a dozen.

>Resign yourself to the fact you're likely going to have to do what your captor wants

You were aiming for the Moon, but he was aiming for the door. Sometimes, you need to make a compromise. You both miss.