Forum Game Taco Sandwich Robots - Resetting Already?

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Mercerenies, Oct 6, 2016.

  1. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2016
    Posts:
    125
    Taco Sandwich Robots

    After the robots took over society two years ago, you opened a sandwich shop, which specializes in making sandwiches with tacos in them. Unfortunately, several other robots had the same idea, leading to a great deal of competition. As any good entrepreneur would do, you aspire to destroy your competition in the only way you know how: with taco sandwiches! You sign up for a premium membership with Merchant-bot's telepathic shop and prepare for battle!

    This game is definitely not related to that other one. I mean, it's not even made by the same guy. He's pudding, and I'm a turtle. Those are not the same thing. It might, however, be a sequel to the other, other one.

    The Shop

    Ham (20 gold)
    Cheese (15 gold)
    Bread (5 gold)
    Toasted Bread (555 gold)
    Olives (1 gold)
     
  2. Misu

    Misu The forum's immigrant

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    636
    I enter the shop. I ask for pudding.
     
    amusudan likes this.
  3. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

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    I walk in the opposite direction and order a taco sandvich from a competing shop.
     
  4. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

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    Misu heads for the shop and asks for pudding. Merchant-bot heads behind his counter and hits the big red 'Pudding' button. Pudding begins to rain from the sprinklers in the ceiling. Misu is now covered in pudding.

    Yokcos heads to a competing shop. This is his favorite shop in town, because it has taco sandviches. Most shops only have sandwiches, not sandviches, which sorely disappoints Yokcos. Yokcos orders a taco sandvich, which costs 9 gold.

    Misu (at the merchant shop)
    * Covered in pudding

    Yokcos (at a competing shop)
    * Has a taco sandvich
     
  5. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

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    I eat the taco sandvich on the way to the Business Factory, where I work.
     
  6. Misu

    Misu The forum's immigrant

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    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    636
    I ask the merchant-bot to pour some sugar on me...
     
  7. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

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    Posts:
    125
    Yokcos eats his taco sandvich. +7 HP. He then heads to the Business Factory, which is an odd name for a sandwich shop, but he named it himself and refuses to allow anyone to change it. The employee of the month, Todd, is already there. Todd tells his boss, Yokcos, that he is late for work again and threatens to fire him.

    Misu asks Merchant-bot to pour sugar on him. "Why would I have a button to do that? Do you think I just have buttons for everything?" Merchant-bot glares at him. Misu notices a small button labeled "Pour Sugar on Misu" behind the register. Merchant-bot must be hiding something...

    Misu (at the merchant shop)
    * Covered in pudding

    Yokcos (7/0 HP; at Business Factory)
    * Talking to Todd
     
    SyntheticStorm9 likes this.
  8. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

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    I slap Todd 14e+14 times and tell him to get back to making sandwiches. I also grab my boss whip and recline in a large leather armchair just behind Todd, ready to attack at the slightest display of incompetence.
     
  9. Misu

    Misu The forum's immigrant

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    636
    I point at the button behind the merchant bot's register.
     
  10. TehPilot

    TehPilot Member

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    Jun 20, 2016
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    86
    give me all of your olives merchant robot

    (Please?)
     
  11. amusudan

    amusudan Lousiest of Potatoes

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    I am a competing merchant, I also sell hamdogs.
     
  12. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

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    Yokcos tries to slap Todd 14e+14 times, but the slap counter is coded in 16-bit assembly, so he ends up slapping Todd 32,768 times. He grabs his boss whip and tells Todd to get back to work. Todd decides that after all of the constant abuse, it is time to quit, so he turns in his two-week notice.

    Misu points out the sugar button. Merchant-bot asks if Misu would like to buy that button.

    TehPilot enters the game and buys all of the olives from the shop.

    amusudan is a competing merchant who puts hamdogs on the market for 20 gold apiece, which is a bargain since Merchant-bot doesn't actually carry them.

    Misu (at the merchant shop)
    * Covered in pudding

    Yokcos (7/0 HP; at Business Factory)
    * Has Boss Whip

    TehPilot (10 - olives gold)
    * All of the olives

    amusudan
    * Selling hamdogs

    Shop
    * Ham (20 gold)
    * Cheese (15 gold)
    * Bread (5 gold)
    * Toasted Bread (555 gold)
     
  13. Lukasmah

    Lukasmah Member

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    Jun 20, 2016
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    22
    I invade Denmark. On my own. With a toothpick.
     
  14. Ninety

    Ninety Member

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    Jun 21, 2016
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    243
    I attempt to burn all the olives.
     
  15. amusudan

    amusudan Lousiest of Potatoes

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    183
    I wait for hungry customers...
     
  16. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

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    I decide to spend the next fortnight decapitating and recapitating Todd for fun.
     
  17. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

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    Jun 21, 2016
    Posts:
    125
    Taco Sandwich Robots
    [chapter 1 - fall of denmark]

    Lukasmah enters the fray, taking toothpick in hand, and invades Denmark. Lukasmah marches up to Robot King Bob, the robot king of Denmark, and threatens him with a toothpick. Robot King Bob panics, "How did you know my weakness was toothpicks?!" Robot King Bob melts into a pool of water, leaving Denmark forfeit to Lukasmah.

    Panicking, all of the citizens of Denmark flee to amusudan's shop to buy hamdogs. amusudan enjoys the business at first, but with an entire country in one sandwich shop, the government arrests amusudan for violating fire codes.

    Ninety chases TehPilot down with a match, but TehPilot is too fast. In the chase, TehPilot dropped an olive. TehPilot escaped from Ninety. Level up! TehPilot is now Level 1. Ninety is now Level -1. TehPilot gained the ability "Walk on Walls". Ninety lost the ability "Instantly Win the Game".

    Yokcos spends the next two weeks decapitating and recapitating Todd for fun. After the first week, Johnny Death approaches Yokcos and tells him that his Necromancy Certificate has been revoked for abuse.

    Merchant-bot finds a single olive on the ground and decides to sell it. Merchant-bot also heads to Denmark to collect Robot King Bob in water form.

    Misu (at the merchant shop)
    * Covered in pudding

    Yokcos (7/0 HP; at Business Factory)
    * Has Boss Whip
    * Necromancy Certificate (revoked)

    TehPilot (10 - olives gold; Level 1)
    * All but one of the olives
    * Can walk on walls

    amusudan (in jail)
    * Selling hamdogs

    Lukasmah
    * Owner of Denmark

    Ninety (Level -1)
    * Can no longer use Instantly Win the Game

    Todd (Death counter: 99999)
    * Turned in two-week notice

    Johnny Death (at Business Factory)
    * Talking to Yokcos

    Merchant-bot

    Shop
    * Ham (20 gold)
    * Cheese (15 gold)
    * Bread (5 gold)
    * Toasted Bread (555 gold)
    * The Only Olive Not Belonging to TehPilot (9999 gold)
    * Robot King Bob Water (3.5 gold)
     
  18. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

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    37
    I inform JDeath that I keep my Necromancy Certificate at the castle, where a dangerous boss awaits you, guarding it from trespassers. I then run off in the general direction of the castle because I am the boss for I have the whip of boss. On the way there I pass the shop, which I give a good whipping before continuing on my merry way.
     
  19. Ninety

    Ninety Member

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    I buy The Only Olive Not Belonging to TehPilot and burn it.

    Nasty, bitter things.
     
  20. amusudan

    amusudan Lousiest of Potatoes

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    183
    I keep selling hamdogs in jail, and buy my way out with a free hamdog+soda combo for each of the guards.
     
  21. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

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    Jun 21, 2016
    Posts:
    125
    Taco Sandwich Robots
    [chapter 1 - fall of denmark]

    Yokcos tells JDeath that his Necromancy Certificate is at his castle, where a dangerous boss awaits, before running toward the castle, whipping the shop on the way. Merchant-bot's shop feels pain from the whipping, so Merchant-bot tries to sell the pain.

    Johnny Death takes offense to the nickname JDeath and threatens to revoke Yokcos' Nicknaming Certificate as well, as he chases him back to the castle. At the castle, Johnny Death draws his Undead Scythe of Heroism and declares that it is time to fight.

    Ninety buys The Only Olive Not Belonging to TehPilot and burns it. He now has a single Flaming Olive that deducts 1 HP per turn.

    amusudan makes a thriving business out of his jail time. He makes 10 zillion gold off his hamdog and soda industry. Then something tragic happens: amusudan makes bail and is released from jail. In an unrelated incident, Todd from Yokcos' factory goes crazy from all the necromancy, holds up a gas station, and is arrested, at which point he takes over amusudan's jail hamdog and soda combo business and makes his first zillion gold.

    Misu (at the merchant shop)
    * Covered in pudding

    Yokcos (7/0 HP; at Castle)
    * Has Boss Whip
    * Necromancy Certificate (revoked, at castle)
    * Fighting Johnny Death

    TehPilot (10 - olives gold; Level 1)
    * All but one of the olives
    * Can walk on walls

    amusudan (at the police station; 10 zillion gold)
    * Selling hamdogs

    Lukasmah
    * Owner of Denmark

    Ninety (-9989 gold; Level -1; -1/0 HP)
    * Can no longer use Instantly Win the Game
    * Has Flaming Olive (-1 HP per turn)

    Todd (in jail; Death counter 99999; 1 zillion gold)
    * Turned in two-week notice
    * Arrested for theft

    Johnny Death (at Castle)
    * Fighting Yokcos
    * Has Undead Scythe of Heroism

    Merchant-bot

    Shop
    * Ham (20 gold)
    * Cheese (15 gold)
    * Bread (5 gold)
    * Toasted Bread (555 gold)
    * Robot King Bob Water (3.5 gold)
    * Pain (20 gold)
     
  22. Lukasmah

    Lukasmah Member

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    22
    The toothpick must reach the planet's core.
     
  23. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

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    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    37
    Penultimate Adversary Maneuver: One Thousand Cuts!
    This attack aims to strike the heart of my adversary with the whip one thousand times in one second, surely carving through all tissue in the way and vapourising the heart itself.

    I cannot allow this John fellow to pass, for I am the only one who stands between him and the final boss, who is just a rock with a face drawn on it.
     
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  24. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2016
    Posts:
    125
    Taco Sandwich Robots
    [chapter 1 - fall of denmark]

    Lukasmah drives his toothpick into the ground and attaches a small rocket to the bottom, sending the toothpick to the earth's core. It burns up long before it gets there, but now the ashes of the toothpick are scattered throughout the earth's crust, meaning Robot King Bob can never leave the safety of Merchant-bot's holding cell.

    Yokcos uses PENULTIMATE ADVERSARY MANEUVER: ONE THOUSAND CUTS! His whip pierces through the air, cutting the very fabric of spacetime as it soars toward its opponent. There is absolutely no way for Johnny to dodge this incredible maneuv-
    [​IMG]
    Oh... well, nothing happened.

    Todd makes his second zillion before being killed off by angry mobsters. Fortunately, he survives being brutally murdered and continues selling hamdogs.

    Misu (at the merchant shop)
    * Covered in pudding

    Yokcos (7/0 HP; at Castle)
    * Has Boss Whip
    * Necromancy Certificate (revoked, at castle)
    * Fighting Johnny Death

    TehPilot (10 - olives gold; Level 1)
    * All but one of the olives
    * Can walk on walls

    amusudan (at the police station; 10 zillion gold)
    * Selling hamdogs

    Lukasmah
    * Owner of Denmark

    Ninety (-9989 gold; Level -1; -1/0 HP)
    * Can no longer use Instantly Win the Game
    * Has Flaming Olive (-1 HP per turn)

    Todd (in jail; Death counter 100000; 2 zillion gold)
    * Turned in two-week notice
    * Arrested for theft

    Johnny Death (at Castle)
    * Fighting Yokcos
    * Has Undead Scythe of Heroism

    Earth
    * Composition: 98% earth, 2% toothpick

    Merchant-bot

    Shop
    * Ham (20 gold)
    * Cheese (15 gold)
    * Bread (5 gold)
    * Toasted Bread (555 gold)
    * Robot King Bob Water (3.5 gold)
    * Pain (20 gold)
     
    Yokcos likes this.
  25. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

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    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    37
    I reveal my hand to my adversary. It contains the five parts of Exodia, four aces, four kings, ten copies of Leeroy Jenkins, four more aces and an IOU for one beatdown.
     
  26. MikeDark_x

    MikeDark_x Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2016
    Posts:
    62
    Starts selling Popcorn
     
  27. roytheshort

    roytheshort The Village Idiot

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    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    72
    I crash my time machine in the middle of the city, and activate the "Boss From The Future" button. When all the players eventually die, a nuclear winter ensues, causing their bodies to mutate and corrupt together into one large single entity. If it succeeds in destroying everyone permanently, the remains of the Paradox Nuclear Radiation inside it will cause another explosion, or even the initial explosion. Time travel is complicated.

    Let me just lay down the law for you, the sooner it kills you, the sooner you can become it.
     
  28. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2016
    Posts:
    125
    Taco Sandwich Robots
    [chapter 2 - big bad boss man]

    MikeDark_x enters the fray and starts selling popcorn on the street. It's not as profitable as hamdogs, so he only gets half a zillion gold. Then something awful happens: someone pays him in false currency. MikeDark_x now has an incredibly incriminating FAKE GOLD COIN on his person. The police approach the alleyway with the intention to take him down, dead or alive.

    Yokcos reveals his hand. He has four aces, four kings, ten copies of Leeroy Jenkins, four more aces, an IOU, Exodia's hands, Exodia's legs, and Exodia's right head. Wait... right head? That doesn't sound right. As Yokcos takes another glance at his Exodia cards, he notices that the head of Exodia has been sliced in two by JOHNNY DEATH NINJA MANUEVER #7! Oh well, Yokcos plays his eight aces, which is also an instant-win condition. Johnny Death is banished to the Necromancy Realm, muttering something about a dangerous time traveller being unleashed as he goes. Johnny Death's Undead Scythe of Heroism lay on the floor in front of Yokcos.

    As Johnny Death disappears, the mystical Johnny Death Seal of Protection is broken, and Roy is released from his prison in the distant future. Almost immediately, Roy grabs his time machine and crashes into the city. The massive entry speed, coupled with Roy's carefully planned flight, manages to set all of the buildings on fire at once. Roy loses 1 HP for carelessness. He then summons the BOSS FROM THE FUTURE, a nuclear paradox mutant bent on killing everyone. It only has 9999 HP though. Thus begins CHAPTER 2 - BIG BAD BOSS MAN.

    Misu (at the merchant shop)
    * Covered in pudding

    Yokcos (7/0 HP; at Castle)
    * Has Boss Whip
    * Necromancy Certificate (revoked, at castle)
    * Fighting Johnny Death

    TehPilot (10 - olives gold; Level 1)
    * All but one of the olives
    * Can walk on walls

    amusudan (at the police station; 10 zillion gold)
    * Selling hamdogs

    Lukasmah
    * Owner of Denmark

    MikeDark_x (1/2 zillion gold)
    * Has fake gold coin
    * Surrounded by cops

    Ninety (-9989 gold; Level -1; -1/0 HP)
    * Can no longer use Instantly Win the Game
    * Has Flaming Olive (-1 HP per turn)

    Roy (-1/0 HP)

    Boss from the Future (9999/9999 HP; Level 999; in middle of city)

    Todd (in jail; Death counter 100000; 2 zillion gold)
    * Turned in two-week notice
    * Arrested for theft

    Johnny Death (at Necromancy Realm)

    Earth
    * Composition: 98% earth, 2% toothpick

    The City
    * On fire
    * Crashed time machine in middle

    Merchant-bot

    Shop
    * Ham (20 gold)
    * Cheese (15 gold)
    * Bread (5 gold)
    * Toasted Bread (555 gold)
    * Robot King Bob Water (3.5 gold)
    * Pain (20 gold)
     
  29. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    37
    I hide the boss whip in a safe before the BBBM notices I have his whip.
     
  30. roytheshort

    roytheshort The Village Idiot

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    72
    Sweet, I have negative HP. That means I can't die! Well, unless someone were stupid enough to HEAL me.

    Anyway, I notice what Yokcos is doing and put on my 5 second punch gloves. Let me explain how these work, when I punch, my hand goes into a portal and hits the recipient of the punch 5 seconds before I threw the punch. I beat up Yokcos literally before he knows what hit him. Hands are appearing out of portals and hitting him before I throw the punches.

    Finally, I punch the air, pick up one of the two Yokcoses that are passed out on the floor, and throw him through the portal at himself, knocking him out.

    I pick up the whip, hit myself with it for good measure (I wouldn't want anyone healing me) and give it to the boss.
     
  31. amusudan

    amusudan Lousiest of Potatoes

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    183
    I heal roy
     
  32. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2016
    Posts:
    125
    Taco Sandwich Robots
    [chapter 2 - big bad boss man]

    Roy punches Yokcos from the future into the past. Meanwhile, Yokcos' underground safe, which conveniently travels backward in time by nature, secures the boss whip from the future and runs into the past to escape persecution. Then, Yokcos, who is frazzled from all the punching, puts his boss whip in the safe which then runs into the past. Roy continues punching Yokcos until there are two of him somehow, at which time Yokcos One falls onto Yokcos Two. Yokcos Two dies instantly, but Yokcos One takes damage as well. Disappointed that he didn't get the Boss Whip, Roy picks up the Ordinary Whip and deals more damage to himself. amusudan tries to heal Roy but he can't heal him faster than the damage is being inflicted. Roy inflicts so much damage that the HP counter, which was using 32-bit signed integers, resets around to the positive numbers. Additionally, Roy has leveled up due to his supreme Whip skills, giving him a +5 to max HP. The Boss from the Future uses HEAL SELF, a deadly maneuver which gives himself 1 HP.

    Misu (at the merchant shop)
    * Covered in pudding

    Yokcos One (-1/0 HP; at Castle)
    * Necromancy Certificate (revoked, at castle)

    Yokcos Two (0/0 HP; at Castle)
    * Necromancy Certificate (revoked, at castle)

    TehPilot (10 - olives gold; Level 1)
    * All but one of the olives
    * Can walk on walls

    amusudan (at the police station; 10 zillion gold)
    * Selling hamdogs

    Lukasmah
    * Owner of Denmark

    MikeDark_x (1/2 zillion gold)
    * Has fake gold coin
    * Surrounded by cops

    Ninety (-9989 gold; Level -1; -1/0 HP)
    * Can no longer use Instantly Win the Game
    * Has Flaming Olive (-1 HP per turn)

    Roy (2147483501/5 HP; Level 1)
    * Has Ordinary Whip

    Boss from the Future (10000/9999 HP; Level 999; in middle of city)

    Todd (in jail; Death counter 100000; 2 zillion gold)
    * Turned in two-week notice
    * Arrested for theft

    Johnny Death (at Necromancy Realm)

    Earth
    * Composition: 98% earth, 2% toothpick

    The City
    * On fire
    * Crashed time machine in middle

    Underground Safe
    * Has Boss Whip
    * In the past

    Merchant-bot

    Shop
    * Ham (20 gold)
    * Cheese (15 gold)
    * Bread (5 gold)
    * Toasted Bread (555 gold)
    * Robot King Bob Water (3.5 gold)
    * Pain (20 gold)[/QUOTE]
     
  33. Lukasmah

    Lukasmah Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    22
  34. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    37
    Yokcos One revives Yokcos Two and they collaborate on a strongly worded letter to send to the BBBM. Hopefully it will deal enough damage to kill him.
     
    SyntheticStorm9 likes this.
  35. roytheshort

    roytheshort The Village Idiot

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    72
    Because I have a whip, I can assume VAMPIRE HUNTER FORM.



    I now have access to Throwing Daggers, Holy Water, Throwing Axes, A Holy Cross, and a Time Stopping Stopwatch. I hit a nearby candlestick to obtain an entire Roasted Chicken.

    I throw Holy Water at the revived zombie Yokcos, instantly killing him. Then I get bored of VAMPIRE HUNTER FORM and put all the stuff on the floor and set it on fire, the time stopping stopwatch causes some chaos as it breaks, or it would if I dropped it on the floor. It's a good thing I decided to keep it in my inventory, I then run out the room.

    I eat the Roasted Chicken in a disgusting way in plain view of everyone in the city.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2016
  36. amusudan

    amusudan Lousiest of Potatoes

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    183
    I feel disgusted as roy stuffs the chicken down his throat.

    My hamdog bussiness is failing due to everyone in the city losing their appetite thanks to roy.
     
  37. roytheshort

    roytheshort The Village Idiot

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    72
    I'm still feeling hungry, and eat every single hotdog in a very disgusting way.
     
  38. Cantavanda

    Cantavanda 〜Flower Prince〜

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2016
    Posts:
    70
    Guys, don't forget to wash your hands before makeing sandwiches for the customers, you don't want to have to close down!
     
  39. amusudan

    amusudan Lousiest of Potatoes

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    183
    ****
     
  40. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2016
    Posts:
    125
    Taco Sandwich Robots
    [chapter 2 - big bad boss man]

    Lukasmah decides that he needs a bigger toothpick, so he buys all of the toothpicks in the world and uses the TRANSMOGIFIER-INATOR to transform them into a magic scepter with the power to grant one wish. Naturally, he uses this one wish to turn the magic scepter into the world's largest toothpick, which he jams into the earth. Earth is now 1% earth and 99% toothpick.

    Due to the high concentration of toothpick on the earth, Robot King Bob Water is no longer safe in Merchant-bot's shop. He evaporates and becomes part of the atmosphere.

    Using his expired Necomancy Certificate, Yokcos One revives Yokcos Two. Unfortunately, now that Yokcos Two has been revived, his necromancy magic is useless. Yokcos One and Yokcos Two collaborate on a strongly worded letter against the Big Bad Boss Man. They craft a beautiful letter and put it in the mail. It should get to BBBM by the next update, assuming the mailman is not interrupted en route.

    Using his Ordinary Whip, Roy enters his deadly vampire hunter form: ROYSTONIAN THE ORDINARY VAMPIRE HUNTER. This form is so powerful that it costs 98% of Roy's HP each turn to maintain. Roy hits a candlestick and obtains a Roasted Chicken. The chicken isn't happy about being roasted, so it attacks Roy. -1 HP.

    Roy proceeds to throw Holy Water on the Yokcos'. Yokcos One takes 3 damage because the water is cold, but Yokcos Two suffers from the holiness. He then drops his time stopping stopwatch on the ground and sets his inventory on fire. The burning inventory deals 1.001 damage to Roy, and Roy flees the scene, taking the Roasted Chicken with him.

    Roy stuffs a Roasted Chicken down his throat, disgusting not just everyone in the city but everyone in the world. Simultaneously, all of the sandwich shops shut down due to lack of business, collapsing the world's economy. Inflation results, and gold is now measured in zillions, and any quantity smaller than a zillion is negligible. Merchant-bot updates his prices to reflect this. Everyone who was selling hamdogs is now bankrupt. Roy proceeds to buy every hotdog and eat them in a disgusting way.

    Cantavanda shows up to remind everyone to wash their hands. Roy loses 5 HP due to shame at Cantavanda's chastising. amusudan summons the legendary ellipsis to counteract Cantavanda. Cantavanda is now trapped within the legendary ellipsis.

    Roy is in vampire hunter form, so he loses 98% of his HP. His HP is dropped to 42949669.9. Roy's overeating this turn causes him to lose an additional 42949669 HP.

    amusudan is bankrupt. The banks are very upset with him, so they release thousands of angry lions to hunt him down. By a freak coincidence, the mailman is amusudan's twin, so the lions mistake him for amusudan and kill him first. In the process, the lions steal Yokcos' letter, deciding that it might be useful if they ever learn to read at any point.

    Merchant-bot notices an end-quote block that was accidentally left in the last update. Being an aspiring capitalist, he puts the quote block up for auction. That's right: it's TACO SANDWICH ROBOTS' FIRST OFFICIAL AUCTION! An end-quote block is up for grabs, starting at the low, low bid of 1 zillion gold.

    Roy's stopwatch begins to disrupt the spacetime continuum. Most of the players are either strong enough to withstand the disruption or dead enough not to care. All players with between 0 and 1 HP are removed from spacetime. Roy has been removed from existence. Any attempts by him to post in this topic or perform any actions will definitely be ignored. There is definitely no way that he can bypass this restriction, since spacetime in this game definitely follows normal, sane, consistent rules.

    The Boss from the Future steps on Misu, dealing quite a bit of damage. On the bright side, the pudding on Misu has almost completely dried off. Meanwhile, Todd bribes the police. Since the economy is so bad, they take the bribe and let him go. He is prompty squished by the BBBM, at which time the police elect to revive him in prison and leave him there this time. Additionally, they add bribery to his list of charges.

    AUCTION
    [/QUOTE] - Current bid: 1 zillion gold

    Misu (-∞/0 HP; at the merchant shop)
    * Covered in very little pudding

    Yokcos One (-4/0 HP; at Castle)
    * Necromancy Certificate (revoked, at castle)

    Yokcos Two (†/0 HP; at Castle)
    * Necromancy Certificate (null and void, at castle)
    * Has no magic

    TehPilot (10 - olives gold; Level 1)
    * All but one of the olives
    * Can walk on walls

    amusudan (at the police station; bankrupt)

    Lukasmah
    * Owner of Denmark

    MikeDark_x (1/2 zillion gold)
    * Has fake gold coin
    * Surrounded by cops

    Ninety (-9989 gold; Level -1; -1/0 HP)
    * Can no longer use Instantly Win the Game
    * Has Flaming Olive (-1 HP per turn)

    Cantavanda (inside ellipsis)

    Boss from the Future (10000/9999 HP; Level 999; in middle of city)

    Todd (in jail; Death counter 100001; 1 zillion gold)
    * Turned in two-week notice
    * Arrested for theft and bribery

    Johnny Death (at Necromancy Realm)

    The Mailman (being mauled by angry lions)

    Angry Lions (chasing amusudan)
    * Has Yokcos' letter

    Earth
    * Composition: 1% earth, 99% toothpick

    Atmosphere
    * Composition: 64% nitrogen, 12% oxygen, 2% argon, 22% Robot King Bob Water

    Spacetime
    * Disrupted

    The City
    * On fire
    * Crashed time machine in middle

    Underground Safe
    * Has Boss Whip
    * In the past

    Outside of Spacetime
    Roystonian the Ordinary Vampire Hunter (0.9/5 HP; Level 1; -12 zillion gold)

    Merchant-bot

    Shop
    * Ham (20 zillion gold)
    * Cheese (15 zillion gold)
    * Bread (5 zillion gold)
    * Toasted Bread (555 zillion gold)
    * Pain (20 zillion gold)
     
  41. Ninety

    Ninety Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2016
    Posts:
    243
    I throw the flaming olive at the Boss From the Future.
     
  42. amusudan

    amusudan Lousiest of Potatoes

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    183
    I move to the countryside and attempt to start a new life there. I also steal someone's camper.
     
    Ninety likes this.
  43. roytheshort

    roytheshort The Village Idiot

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    72
    Roy comes up with a loophole while in Non-Existent Land and changes the past. No, literally. Scroll up to the above posts. I never left the stopwatch on the floor, and you said you would ignore attempts by me to post in this topic, not things I have already posted. If you ignore things I have already posted, then I never dropped the stopwatch anyway. Either way, you have to pay attention.

    So now I'm in the city with a functioning time stopping stopwatch and exactly 1 health by my guessing, and if you're still ignoring my actions I can abuse that too. Because you may ignore my actions, but the taxman won't!

    I stop time and go mine gold and shape it into coins, I have infinite time as it is stopped, so this is fine. I get quite a large amount of gold, enough to push me out of the negatives and beyond. I then donate every single piece of that gold to Mercerenies. There are two things that could happen here, he could ignore my actions and be done for Hyper-Existence-Tax-Evasion, or he could pay attention and get some free gold.

    Now that is done, I punch myself, die, then punch Hitler in hell.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2016
  44. Lukasmah

    Lukasmah Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    22
    I admire the toothpickturesque landscape.
     
    Yokcos likes this.
  45. Mercerenies

    Mercerenies Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2016
    Posts:
    125
    Taco Sandwich Robots
    [chapter 2 - big bad boss man]

    amusudan steals a camper and moves to the countryside, where he starts a new life as a professional camper thief. As it turns out, there's a high demand for professionals who steal campers, so he makes all of the zillions of gold.

    Roy edits the past from outside spacetime and un-drops his stopwatch, which is then confiscated immediately by the Guardian of Time, who wants none of these shenanigans. Roy pays Mercerenies a large amount of gold, so the taxman mauls the Guardian of Time as punishment. Yeah, culpability is weird in this universe. Anyway, Roy punches himself and hits 0 HP, but since he is still in Vampire Hunter form, he cannot die. He then loses 98% more of his HP.

    Lukasmah admires all of the toothpick in the planet. Ahhhhh... that's some nice toothpick. Unfortunately, it's also sharp. Lukasmah loses 2 HP from stepping on Planet Toothpick.

    Ninety throws the flaming olive at the Boss from the Future. Dealt 3.14159 damage. Boss from the Future retaliates by making it rain flaming olives, which inflicts one point of damage to each player on earth. In other news, it breaks spacetime. So yeah, causality is meaningless now. Things outside of time are now within them and vice versa. The past is the present is the future is the flaming olive.

    Merchant-bot ends the auction for the quote block, but since causality is meaningless, everyone can still bid.

    AUCTION
    [/QUOTE] - Not ongoing anymore

    Misu (-∞/0 HP; at the merchant shop)
    * Covered in very little pudding

    Yokcos One (-5/0 HP; at Castle)
    * Necromancy Certificate (revoked, at castle)

    Yokcos Two (†/0 HP; at Castle)
    * Necromancy Certificate (null and void, at castle)
    * Has no magic

    TehPilot (10 - olives gold; Level 1)
    * All but one of the olives
    * Can walk on walls

    amusudan (-1/0 HP; in countryside; all of the zillions of gold)
    * Has stolen camper

    Lukasmah (-3/0 HP)
    * Owner of Denmark

    MikeDark_x (-1/0 HP; 1/2 zillion gold)
    * Has fake gold coin
    * Surrounded by cops

    Ninety (-9989 gold; Level -1; -2/0 HP)
    * Can no longer use Instantly Win the Game

    Cantavanda (inside ellipsis)
    * Protected from damage by ellipsis magic

    Roystonian the Ordinary Vampire Hunter (0/5 HP; Level 1; -12 zillion gold)
    * Technically outside of spacetime

    Boss from the Future (9995.85841/9999 HP; Level 999; in middle of city)

    Todd (in jail; Death counter 100001; 1 zillion gold)
    * Turned in two-week notice
    * Arrested for theft and bribery

    Johnny Death (at Necromancy Realm)

    The Mailman (being mauled by angry lions)

    Mercerenies (large amount of gold)

    Angry Lions (chasing amusudan)
    * Has Yokcos' letter

    Earth
    * Composition: 1% earth, 99% toothpick
    * Raining flaming olives

    Atmosphere
    * Composition: 64% nitrogen, 12% oxygen, 2% argon, 22% Robot King Bob Water
    * Raining flaming olives

    Spacetime
    * Meaningless
    * Not technically not a flaming olive

    The City
    * On fire
    * Crashed time machine in middle

    Underground Safe
    * Has Boss Whip
    * In the past

    Guardian of Time
    * Being assaulted

    Intergalactic Taxman
    * Assaulting

    Merchant-bot

    Shop
    * Ham (20 zillion gold)
    * Cheese (15 zillion gold)
    * Bread (5 zillion gold)
    * Toasted Bread (555 zillion gold)
    * Pain (20 zillion gold)
     
  46. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    37
    Yokcos Two produces a bag of Genuine (tm) Lion Bait and hurls it across the planet such that it lands on the BBBM, hopefully convincing the lions to deliver the letter to him. He also gives his Necromancy Certificate to Yokcos One, before going to set up an capitalist empire on sandviches. The sandwich economy may have pooped the bed and died, but the sandvich economy is still going strong.

    Yokcos One combines the two necromancy certificates into a new necromancy certificate that is valid for one use only. He then picks up a pile of dirt from the ground and sells it to nobody.
     
  47. amusudan

    amusudan Lousiest of Potatoes

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    183
    I retire from stealing campers and start stealing necromancy certificates, starting with whichever ones are owned by Yockos One and Yockos Two
     
  48. roytheshort

    roytheshort The Village Idiot

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    72
    Since the Guardian of Time is being dealt with, I do the one thing I was never meant to do. I grab a small red panel in my pocket and press the "Screw up Time Really Badly Everywhere" button. It explodes. There are now 3 copies of me, 2 copies of the boss, 8 copies of Yokcos and 19 copies of the Queen. Donald Trump is also the president in this reality.
     
  49. Lukasmah

    Lukasmah Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    22
    I've underestimated the sharpness of the toothpick ground. This won't do. To make good use of the toothpick I must understand the toothpick. To understand the toothpick I must become the toothpick.

    I'm wood. I'm sharpness. I'm dental hygiene.

    I LIVE IN A WORLD OF TEETH AND I AM THE TOOTHPICK.
     
  50. Yokcos

    Yokcos Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2016
    Posts:
    37
    Yokcos One, Three, Five and Seven combine themselves into Yokcos One, who then uses his earnings from selling the dirt to purchase a unicycle with which he chases the vile Necromancy Certificate thief.

    Yokcos Two, Four and Six combine themselves into Yokcos Two, which continues to build an empire on sandviches.

    Yokcos Eight dismantles himself and reassembles himself into the one time use "Yokcos Three", mostly for use in emergencies.
     
    roytheshort likes this.

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