Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Yokcos, Oct 14, 2016.
> Bored of this SFWH thing now. Time to play another game.
> COUNT DOWN THE BOX AND OPEN IT
Diamonds, switch hats with clubs
You (Diamonds) are too busy giving a speech about victory to Clubs and you decide to prioritise continuing speaking over more head-related antics. You think to yourself that you've all grown past this in the past few years or millennia.
And you (Clubs) are too busy expressing your boredom at aforementioned speech.
ARE YOU YAWNING IN MY SPEECH I SPENT WEEKS WRITING THIS WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO WIN AND YOU'RE SITTING THERE YAWNING AT ME
COUNT DOWN THE BOX AND OPEN IT
You're all too lazy to count the box down. Fortunately it counts itself down and its contents fly out without any outside intervention.
Bored of this SFWH thing now. Time to play another game.
We'll catch up with the wacky antics of these two in another few months. Let's play Desperate Times instead, that's much more fun.
Lass: Continue onward with your quest
According to your weak knowledge of the geography of the region, it should take a week to walk through this forest. You need to keep your wits about you, it's sure to be dark and full of terr-
WIZARD. I HAVE A QUEST FOR THEE. I REQUIRE FOURTEEN BOAR HIDES. WILL YOU SLAY THE BOARS AND BRING UNTO ME THEIR CORPSE PARTS?!
>Penguin: go on your very own adventure
> PEnguin provide Backstory
Who would volunteer for such a disgusting and dangerous task without any reason or reward?
The penguin respects your choice and wanders off to retrieve the hides itself.
Penguin: go on your very own adventure
The legendary journey of one penguin searching for some boar hides on behalf of a quest giver! Will it retrieve the hides? Or will it fail!? Find out in the next image!
PEnguin provide backstory
The PEnguin retrieved a quest from a quest giver to gather fourteen- oops it died
Attempt to combine map and rules card.
You take the map in one hand, the Card of Rules in the other, and jam them together.
The energy released is huge... you can barely contain it... you make...
A map of the world and the Card of Rules!!!
You cannot combine these two items because the map of the world is a Physical Object while the Card of Rules is a Game Construct.
> MORE CARD SUITS! WE NEED MORE!
> I don't think that would SUIT this game, amirite?
Go to the homeland of the dragons.
You are told that you are headed for the city Bloodspyre to talk with various authoritypeople about the plans to destroy opposing nations. The journey across half the continent takes several days so you have to amuse yourself by sleeping or throwing heartbombs at the settlements below or jumping down and trying to catch up with the dragon again. You get bored easily and don't have much patience. I'm sure it would have been interesting to see but you can't dally watching all these antics! You've got a war to fight! You think. You're not fully sure what's going on and why, you just know that you get to whoop some butts.
You are told that the city is rife with dragon nests and that wizards learned to put up with them when they realised that they were hard to get rid of, and that they could be ridden when they grew up. You're completely fascinated by this enthralling tale. You consider for a moment the profound morals presented by such a fable.
MORE CARD SUITS! WE NEED MORE!
We already have all four. What else could there be? Bells? Melons? Truncheons? As a wise man once said "I don't think that would SUIT this game".
Buy a book on how to tame a dragon.
You ask the wizard if there's anywhere around here you can buy a dragon training book.
The wizard asks if you want a mentor to teach you how to train dragons.
You frustratedly tell her that you want a book. You want to read about it not sit in some room with an old dude for five hours a day. A book, you know. BOOK. BOOK.
She asks what this "book" is of which you speak.
You tell her that you can't deal with this ignorance any more and set off to go looking for a bookshop or a library or something to rob. Or you would do that if she didn't grab you.
Your people would transform your heads into cups to express thorough outrage. You think the situation warrants such drastic measures, but you suspect the wizard wouldn't understand the layers and layers of metaphor surrounding the act. Instead of inspiring terror and fear of retribution in the wizard like you should, you think you would only inspire a little confusion.
Bring back the flame suit but make it real
You do not have enough control over the suits to create a new one, but you do have enough control over your head to set it ablaze.
Kill something. anything.
Think about hot dogs.
Wizard stare in sarcastic amazement
This temper tantrum does not amuse you.
Manuals are for loosers anyway. Go butt heads with a real dragon.
While wizard A is busy sharing a related anecdote about your trip here, you take the opportunity to sneak away and headbutt some dragons.
Or you would if the two wizards (you acknowledge that you should probably learn their names but also note that you don't much care) did not possess at least the tiny sliver of attention it requires to notice your attempted departure.
"Hey! Where are you going?!"
"Are you going to try to stop me?"
"Try? If you take one more step I'll have to-"
Kill something. anything.
You remove the villain's circulatory system.
Drink the succulent nectars of life.
You enjoy the taste of your former adversary as you begin your glorious quest for some dragons to tame and train to do your bidding.
This is... maybe a baby dragon? But it has legs, dragons don't have legs. Perhaps some kind of related species. You could call it a wyvern or something.
Call it Gerald
Gerald graciously accepts the name you have given it and rewards you by pledging to remain your faithful companion for all of time.
This is what you would like to have happen but what actually happens is the exact opposite: Gerald flies away, probably because it saw something shiny or something.
Walk a long road. Not for sun up, but for sun down.
A long stroll it is then.
That wasn't very long but you're certainly very bored now. The sunset is completely obscured by the large walls on all sides.
You (Hearts) are terribly sorry to disappoint you (audience), but you lost track of which one Gerald was.
You just realised something: You forgot to bring any food, or much of anything really. No problem, you submit a mental note to hunt down some soon-to-be-edible beasties and...
oh hey you've heard about these. Geysers litter the forest outside your city, occasionally sending skyward scorching steam. On rare occasion it'll hit something flying above and a free meal will fall into your lap. Or into the river of lava behind you.
Thar she blows.
They are all Gerald
You seize the individual names of all the retreating dragons and call them Gerald. They're too far away to get the message however so they'll be calling eachother by their original names until you catch up with them and let them know about your administrative changes.
While you're at it you open up the uPrime dictionary and rename the dragon species to Gerald. Might as well get anyone who escaped your AoE rename just now.
Try to find a Gerald to tame.
What is the philosophical implications of the club.
You contemplate the deeper meaning behind the club. Considerations of the cosmic purpose for things like novelty, comedy, distraction, the unexpecte-
Well this is hardly unexpected.
"I", she is already boring you, "am the Queen of Bloodspyre! You killed a wizard under my protection, and you will pay the price!"
Well at least this enemy was smart enough to bring a shield of... magic? No, compressed air. You note that this shield will do exactly nothing against you.
When threatened you instinctively throw flashing words like FIGHT, COMBAT and BATTLE up on the screen. It's kind of a bad habit.
Your rhyming assessment of the situation is that you can Deploy some assistance, Descend from the battlefield, Destroy the enemy or Defend from the first attack.