Forum Game Stick Figures With Hats.


The Village Idiot
So far, I have made up two characters and they have now become real parts of the story.

> Made Up Mike, get crushed by a rock and die so you cannot become another character


Wait, why is your leg suddenly okay?

Seems like that doctor over there healed you. You thought they were going to take a long time to arrive? Were you unconscious long before you started dreaming?

Made Up Mike, get crushed by a rock and die so you cannot become another character

The rock crushes nobody because Mike is very fake and made up.​


We haven't named the rock yet. I choose Bob the Boulder.
Bob: Get stoned
Can we smell what the Rock is cooking?
bob: rethink life choices
Oh my god I love this rock can we spend more time looking at the rock
Every command here relates to the Rock, you can't escape it Yokcos. You can't. YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN'T!!!!!!

Bob "The Rock" Boulder cannot cook, smoke or think. This is on account of the fact that it is a rock. Rocks, as you may or may not know, are not capable of doing much other than sitting there and just kind of... being.

[S] Rock: Be
And in the end it can't even manage to continue being.

Steve: Be amazed at the real world!

What's there to be amazed at? Everything's as you remember it except for the big fire. Maybe a few buildings have been shuffled around, maybe it's a different time, different people. But that's to be expected after being imprisoned in the dream realm for so long. Nothing amazing here.​
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The Village Idiot
Steve: Do you still have any powers or are you just a regular fat guy (like Yokcos (I'm just kidding(or am I?))) right now?


Steve: Visit your mom

You lift your fat butt off the ground and try to work out where your mother would be relative to your current location and orientation. The city around you, you have to admit, is a little more unfamiliar than you'd like to admit.

[S] Steve: Time to do some catching up.


Be the boulder

You be the boulder. The boulder, of course, does not have a brain to be been. Because the rock is not conscious it has only dreams within, and it is those dreams that we peer into when we fail to be the boulder.
The boulder seems to be dreaming of a fat lass. What is this fat lass' name?​


Nightmare Stephanie?

Your name is Nightmare Stephanie. Your main character trait is that you are OMNICIDAL with exception to DRAGONS and DRAGON-LIKE BEINGS. For that reason you have been sealed into the NIGHTMARE REALM within DREAMY STEVE, who has in turn been sealed into the DREAM REALM.

Steve: Stop being the boulder

You stop looking at all this nonsense.



Nightmare Stephanie: Become what looks like a throwaway gag, only to end up being the main antagonist of the entire storyline.


Nightmare Stephanie: Become what looks like a throwaway gag, only to end up being the main antagonist of the entire storyline.

Here's an idea, what if she became what looked like the main antagonist of the entire storyline, but ended up in fact being just a throwaway gag. Look, here's her in the future preparing to attack two people who will be main characters at the time; one whom we already know and one whom we do not. And now we're sure to never see or mention her again because the joke has reached its ultimate conclusion.

Stick figures with hats: Become relevant to the plot

Spade guy activates, if by "activates" you (by which I mean me) mean you (by which I mean spade guy) put on one of the dwarves' hats and just kind of stand there on the bridge for a bit.
Hey, remember that seemingly indestructible box you (spades) had? Standing there on the bridge doing absolutely nothing for several months (by which I mean hours) gave you a lot of time to think about it and the conundrum it poses. But you only just realised that you could use it as a shield or weapon or something. If lava can't destroy it, maybe nothing can. Maybe that's the only way you can successfully defeat Hearts.​


Use the Skull Pile to make your new hat more menacing.

You combine your Skull Pile with the dwarf's Precious Hat to make... a Precious Hat. But it is now 14% spookier. Your foes will learn to fear you, as well as your allies and anyone who has any idea what a skull is and where they normally belong.

Use your head as a spade

Okay. There's nothing interesting in here, just some stone and more stone. You guess you could use this skill to break out of a jail if you were imprisoned in one and somehow robbed of your impressive strength.

Use dangerous Wild Draw 4 card

The Wild Draw 4 Card is far too dangerous to use outside of an emergency. Not only would it have a one in eight chance of blowing up you and much of the surrounding area (if you draw the six of spades, which does just that), but you would also immediately lose the WD4 card, as all cards are lost on use. These would be things that concerned you if you had the WD4 card, which you do not. As with most cards, it is Lost and you don't know where it is if any instances of it even exist in this time.

Become hungry for far people.

You daydream about eating the large-torsoed. You like to imagine that they are succulent and juicy unlike the narrow-torsoed, who would be all skin and bone. You like to imagine that they would all queue up nicely for you to consume them. You don't need to eat but you can appreciate the texture of fatperson in your mouthhole.​


Can we have a chart showing who is inside who's imagination right now?

Ask and thou shalt receive.

Apart from the anonymous fat people being imagined by Spades, we have Dreamy Steve who until recently was trapped in the dreams of Ace Dick, Sapphire Dick and the whole Dick family. He is no longer there.
Main antagonist Nightmare Stephanie was and still is in the dreams/imagination of Dreamy Steve. The only way out of this Nightmare Realm is through the door, which only opens from the outside where Dreamy Steve is.

Use your hours of intense pondering to discover the shocking solution to the box.

You had a long discussion with yourself about this wherein you decided that the side of you who thinks in images should come up with ideas and the side of you who thinks in words should criticise them.

The only thing you could think of was to wait until the box (probably) opens in two billion years. It might not even open, you have no idea what it's going to do.
You thought about using time travel to skip to the end but you don't have any time travel abilities or technology and you're stuck on this world until you break the self-inflicted curse by either dying to Hearts or killing Hearts. (probably the former, preferably the latter) So you formed a plan: Put the box down, fight Hearts as soon as possible, die, hopefully respawn near a thyme traveller, get him to send you 2bn years into the future, see what happens with the box. IT IS FOOLPROOF.

Current objective: Find out where Hearts is.
Optional objective: Find some way to defeat the vastly stronger Hearts that doesn't involve the box.​


Since you respawn at a random point in time, keep killing yourself until you're close to the time the box opens.


Hey look it's 400 pages. This is going on way longer than I expected and it has been and will continue to be great. Thanks for all the commands fellows, keep them coming (or else)

Hearts: Punch self in face

A new wizard arrives on dragonback. You introduce yourself by punching yourself in the face.

Since you respawn at a random point in time, keep killing yourself until you're close to the time the box opens.

You would absolutely do that right this instant, if you were not cursed to respawn in the sameish time and place as your death, forever binding you to this period until you lift the curse from both you and big H by killing him or being killed by him.

You make the executive decision to postpone the suicide spree until it would actually be useful.​


The Village Idiot
Spades why is everyone in your imagination fat, I'm not shaming you or anything I'd just like some clarification on your preferences.


Wizard: Customarily punch Dragon in face

The wizard leaps into action, marking the start of interrogations by punching the nearest dragon in the face with her great aeromancy skills.

Hearts: Wonder why for that brief moment, the world was so detailed.

You start to wonder why the world is so colourful all of a sudden. But you stop wondering because it stops being colourful. Mystery solved!

Hearts>Invert head, pretend to be spades!

"Oh look at me I'm spades I suck and keep getting killed!"
The onlookers are confused by your mocking depiction of someone they've never met but ultimately enjoy it because they think you're mocking their enemies. How you inverted your head remains a mystery to them.

Also, what happened to Johnny Test?

Johnny was not used for long enough for her to return to her cosy inescapable home in your Party.

Spades why is everyone in your imagination fat

You're spades now so you'll answer this. Everyone you've met on this world has been fat. Look at this chubby guy! His torso has three dimensions instead of one like a normal person! How can you not start thinking in terms of fat people in this environment!?

"Heatguy, what the hell is going on? Who or what is this? Why was your town on fire?"

Spades: Remove your face

You throw your face on the ground and the dwarf's Precious Hat falls to replace it as your head.​


Hey, is the "cover" image the curse spades gave hearts?

It is. Spades Ace-Of-Spades'd Hearts, banishing both to this world and cursing both, but killing neither. And also causing considerable environmental damage in the process.

Pick up your face and flip it. Pretend you're Hearts.

"Bluh bluh look at me I think I can swing my authority around no matter who it harms! give me dictator of the year trophy or it'll be your head!"
Any would-be onlookers are dead but were they not they'd be confused at your head-based antics but ultimately enjoy them because they'd assume you were mocking an enemy faction.

Spades: remove stalagtite

You attempt to do your only attack capable of removing the STALACTITE from this distance, the Two of Hearts. Your failure in this endeavour sadly reminds you that you are not truly Hearts and will never be no matter how inverted your head is.​


Diamond: Turn head upside down, pretend to be Diamond

"bluh bluh look at me I am so big and strong and am the only one who thinks of bringing tanks with them everywhere they go"

You (the lass, not the diamond man) have begun on your epic quest to exact revenge on whomever gave your father what turned out to be an easily healed minor injury. But you quickly realised that this quest will not be as easy as finding some fools and punching them. Punching them, this is easy. You can levitate yourself a little (a little very tiny bit) so you have the edge in unarmed combat, even over trained military personnel. This is what you tell yourself as you envision punching aforementioned fools. No, what is hard is finding aforementioned fools. You don't have any idea that the person who shot your father's dragon is Franz Featguy, nor do you know that he's arriving in his homeland in a continent southward. Recognising how void you are of the relevant information you decide instead to deliver the package your father was carrying. To the king. He's rumoured to be able to see through time itself so maybe he can witness the attempted murder and successful inconvenience first hand. Or maybe, being the king of a powerful nation, he simply knows who would be likely to shoot dragons.

This delivery may require an epic quest all of its own though. The king resides in his secluded home high in the treacherous Red Mountains, beyond the frightful Forest of Gales. Each of the two areas threatening a wizard's life in ways as ghastly as the other, and yet thematically different enough to warrant the trip being split into two visually distinct areas with different names.

But first you have to cross this here river of lava. Fortunately there's a dilapidated rickety wooden bridge over it so you don't have to pathetically try to levitate over it. That would be terrible and inconvenient. Thank goodness for bridges!​



This one plank that you've decided to rest all of your weight on... it seems stable enough. Maybe it would be safe to...

Scoot over on the ropes.


Oh, the ropes? You (Sapphire) think that would probably have been a lot safer. But you (the reader) realise that she would have been safe either way because killing someone just before a lengthy and interesting quest would be boring.

Bridge: Collapse

You (the lass) think that this is frightening and not hilarious at all, how close you just came to death. Fortunately the structural failure of the bridge will clearly not be utterly important in future.

Nightmare Stephanie, turn your face upside down and pretend to be Dreamy Steve

You correctly realise that inverting one's head tends to be entirely lethal. Because you do not have a death wish (for yourself at least) or exceptionally powerful neck muscles you come up with a better idea: Tilt your head slightly to one side. You don't think this would convince anyone that you are Dreamy Steve.

"Obviously Franz you're not suited to this situation!"
The conversing wizards are starting to bore you.
"Oh really? Do you see a fire still here? Did you see how huge it was and how much I had to do to get rid of it?"
"There shouldn't have been a fire in the first place! Half the town was blown up! Look at all these corpses!"
"Oh ONE corpse. I'd like to see you do better! Plus I was duelling-"
"There's no time for duelling in war! The enemy won't wait politely for you to blah blah blah"
You stop paying attention to this nonsense.

Spades, turn your head upside down and... Erm...

Your contemporary cranial tomfoolery fails to distract the wizards from their verbal duel.​


Hearts + Spades: Use psychics to talk to each other

The telepathic powers that you both do not have are unnecessary; you have already spoken at great length in person. The most unfortunate of burns were issued. You each like to believe that you delivered the fieriest of the burns.
Maybe if you encounter other people with telepathic abilities you will use their services to deliver updated burns.

Clubs: See what happens when you flip your face

The Inverted Club is an incredibly unstable shape. Unlike inverted versions of the other few suits, it cannot maintain its own existence longer than a few seconds before automatically collapsing. Diamonds is more amused by this spectacle than the arguing people.

What is more hot, removal of face or flipping of face? Can we get a poll going?



SFWH: Celebrate birthday

Damn I thought I'd be finished by now.

Explain that these things don't have forelegs and are wyverns, not dragons.

"By Merlin is that Featguy? Did you invite Featguy? Why did you bring Featguy into this, I had this under control!"
"Heatguy, you don't even know what This is. You're immature, you have no idea what we're trying to do here."
"You already said what you were doing! There's a crater and a dead guy and a demon with a heart for a head that... look at this! It is NOT rampaging! So you don't need to stop it! Wow! Your job is done, you can leave now!"

Featguy, master of the moustache, more successful brother of Heatguy, starts at this point waving at the blue-haired wizard in a currently futile attempt to get her attention.
"More bad assumptions. This is why your brother here exceeds you. Featguy looks and listens instead of making a fake reality in his head. We are not here to destroy this rampaging monster. There is a prophecy about this beast, you see. They say he will bring the end of either our nation or the Diamonds. So, mister heart man, we are here to recruit you to our side and send you against our strongest enemies. Do you accept or will we have to... what is it Featguy?"
"Are you still callin that a dragon?"
"You're going to tell me again that it's a wyvern."
"Cos it IS a wyvern. Got no legs, see."
"The Queen calls it a dragon, it's a dragon and that's that. Heart man. Will you join us in battle against the Spades, the Clubs and most importantly the Diamonds? If not we will have to defeat you for our own sake."

If you're reading this correctly, this means that these wizards probably are here on behalf of a group called the Hearts. You want to find your former buddy Spades so you can give him a good dose of death... maybe he is with this "the Spades" group? You could use this supposed battle as an opportunity to find the guy. But you also don't like being told what to do. What will you do?
[Go and fight other people somewhere else / Stay and fight these 'Hearts' people]​


Featguy and Heatguy, talk about how glad you are that Teatguy isn't here.

Teatguy was your great grandfather who tragically went mad and died. By which you mean he went madder and died because he was supposedly already pretty mad.

Spades: invert face

Head reverted to original state. All is right with the world.

Go and fight people somewhere in Canada, it's probably Canada

You have not heard of a "Canada" on this world and you very much doubt that one could exist without you noticing.

That said the Flag of Hearts looks rather Canadian and you would never hurt your fellow heartfolk, at least not intentionally.

The Flag of Diamonds, however, looks very non-Canadian. These people, aligning themselves with the wrong suit, are fair game to fight all you like.​


Are the clubs an American flag?

No the Flag of Clubs is an entirely unique design, based on none of the Earthly nations, famously neutral and chocolatey or otherwise.

And since you're obviously going to ask this is the Flag of Spades.

Question why there are three diamonds.

You ask why this drawing of the world has three diamonds and only one of each other suit. Seems unfair, you claim.
The wizard agrees that it's unfair, but says not to worry because that picture is drawn from an angle that makes the Diamond Empire look very large while minimising the apparent size of the Nation of Hearts. She has a more accurate map...

The Diamond Empire is still pretty large, you note.
She says that's because they're very aggressive and keep invading everyone else. Except Clubs, which they leave alone for some reason. And they largely leave Spades alone, mostly because they only have one city left.
You don't point out that Hearts is also a pretty big nation and also don't share your assumption that the Heart is also very bloody, and not just the blood Diamonds.

Hearts, where are you?

The wizard points out where you are.

Diamonds: Become part of the plot again

Diamonds didn't do anything all that unusual and interesting for almost a decade and a half so we can skip that bit. Fighting and stuff, the usual. At some point he met up with Clubs, for whom a few short millenia had passed by that point. We find them now freshly in possession of this here countdown box that looks to be expiring in 14 seconds.​
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