Discussion My Learning Disability

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ConsolCWBY

Guest
A few years ago, I was given a series of medications which has reacted in a unfortunate way: My short term memory is, for lack of a better term, shot to hell. A rather curious side-effect is I sometimes forget what 'era' I'm in. For example, I wanted a nice cool drink and when I got up, within 30 seconds I forgot why I got up and sat down. It doesn't sound like a problem, but I did this 5 times in a row within a 10 minute time frame. I have also started a Gamemaker project - the same project - three times now, because I kept forgetting that I already started to work on it. In a way, it's kinda cool to have near total recall of what I was doing when I was 19, but not so cool as to forget where the hell I am when I wake up. (Protip: Doctors who wish to save lives may not be willing to save the quality of said life - or at least they may not have a choice when prescribing.)

The surprising thing to me is I'm not frightened. I am alive and I am learning to deal with it. I write almost everything down, and that has allowed me to begin organizing my time (which I've always been notoriously bad at). I guess what I'm wondering is how do others handle their disabilities if it affects their personal lives? Or even quirks, if it's a strong enough quirk? I'm not looking for people to admit to anything - perhaps something inspirational that doesn't involve a meme??..

Well, thanks for listening, and in advance, sharing.
 

Nocturne

Friendly Tyrant
Forum Staff
Admin
The surprising thing to me is I'm not frightened. I am alive and I am learning to deal with it. I write almost everything down, and that has allowed me to begin organizing my time (which I've always been notoriously bad at)
Good for you! Optimism is (imho) the best way to deal with these kinds of issues... oh, and thanks for sharing this! These kinds of things don't often get talked about and it would be great to have a positive thread that helps people discuss their own issues.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
I knew a guy with a similar problem. It seemed like he could only actually keep track of about three facts at once, so he'd write the important stuff on his hand. Me, I can't go outside because I'm allergic to light.

Edit:
he got better
 

Roa

Member
I also had memory issues because I had 2 brain cyst, one being an arachnid cyst and it tripped up my memory a lot. I kinda of have another memory issue now though.
I'm ADD as hell and for all the other smarts I have, I've never been able to finish high school math. I can't follow rules of formals like that. Those were my learning disabilities.

I had a lot of issues though.

Speaking of memory.
It's not medically diagnosed or proven, but when I go to bed I sometimes forget entire days happened when I wake up. I'm a very lucid dreamer and have an acute sense of awareness to it all(sometimes). I can actually feel exactly when my brain starts releasing melatonin and stuff. I've even been able to dream and be half conscious with my eyes open and have my body shut down, which is a god awful terrifying experience. It feels like you're being pulled through the earth and everything becomes so numb and heavy. It's hard to fight out of it and It's kinda what I would assume death or drowning feel like. Anyways that's not my point. My brain is really active and when sleeping and I can manipulate my dreams really easily, but sometimes I have fits where my very vivid lucid dreams start sharing space with my current thoughts and memories of the previous day and by morning, It all disappears, just like forgetting a dream. I can't really explain it. I've literally misplaced entire days like that, sometimes a couple. Wake up to take my Friday classes and BOOM, its Saturday somehow, and I already did my homework even though I don't remember doing it, but wait, I didn't do that other piece of homework cause I thought I did it a while back. This doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's a total trip. Its like subconsciously induced amnesia. It's weird cause its just like a dream too once I come too and I become aware it happened. I know its a new day and that the previous day has passed, but I have no recollection of how I spent it, much like remembering I had a dream and it was good or bad or someplace I remember or gave me some feeling, but I don't remember what it was about. And its not like a "I just forgot throughout the day" issue. I can't even account for the time, almost like I had been in some comatose state, Its a hard thing to explain without experiencing it.


I also used to be an extreme germ-a-phobe. I used to wash my hands every time I touched a "bad surface" or an object that had contact with said surface. I refused to touch all door handles and all this other crazy stuff. Washed my hands hundreds of times a day until I ended up washing the flesh off my hands. It got so bad that mere contact with water would make my hands bleed into it. I had to wear guass and special ointments for nearly 5 years and I was constantly threaten with skin grafts. Eventually I just woke up and realized my life totally sucked and was way way way too hard to keep up with. Just out of pure exhaustion I was cured.

I was always a bit of a broken child.
 
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Ok a few inquiries if you may

what were the medications? are you taking any medications now?

has your diet changed in any way since then, or has your body weight/shape changed?

have you had a stroke? did you have any event where you went to sleep in some place that is abnormally hot?

are you aware of any nutreint defientcies you have?

and finally what are you thinking about on an average day

short term memory problems like this can be debilitatng, i personally have a terrible time with this but its do to being distracted by my own thoughts my house and library is an utter mess but i still know precisely where everything is, the problem is tyring to figure out where i put my keys when they are in my pokcet the entire time.

have you tried to look into any of the research into nootropic and or ampakine drugs? they have been exstensively studied, very safe and can when used correctly have profound, though subtle, effects on how your mind opperates. your not going to get high off them no matter how much you take but you will notice a difference in your ability to both sort through and store information and even once you stop taking it the memories from the information you stored while on the stuff is easier to retrieve, incredibly useful to me.

if you have the dicipline the one thing that will help you more than anything else though is meditation, breathing techniques, that said please please PLEASE avoid trying to learn it from these newagers who cant even read the origional text these practise were written with.

i wish you well, best thing to do is just exercise your brain, its ok to forget lots of stuff if you have an overactive imagination. :)
 
also roa, just to ask, did you ever have any nervious tics growing up, i mean you mentioned the fear of germs, compulsive hand cleaning, was their anything else like this where you for instance wanted ot had to do something in a specific situation?

also what are you thinking about most days, is it about stuff going on in the world around you or working through stuff in your mind?
 

Roa

Member
also roa, just to ask, did you ever have any nervious tics growing up, i mean you mentioned the fear of germs, compulsive hand cleaning, was their anything else like this where you for instance wanted ot had to do something in a specific situation?

also what are you thinking about most days, is it about stuff going on in the world around you or working through stuff in your mind?
I had an abnormal amount of nightmares growing up. If that's what you mean. Lots of night terrors where I would just start screaming and kicking like I was possessed. My mom even said that one time her and her friend held me down and just started pouring Pepsi down my throat to get me to snap out of it. lol I barely remember those episodes, but my parents talk about it. They remember a lot.

I had OCD in general. The real kind, not the kind people jokingly talk about. An actual medical diagnosis. I was compulsive about a lot of things, but the germs were the worst. When I would let the cat in at night, I would close the door and stand and watch for any others, that maybe if I waited 10 more seconds that another would have heard the door and come running. I never wanted to leave them out, so I did this and I would tell myself 10 more seconds. Sometimes opening and closing the door for 10-15 minutes straight. Or when doing the laundry, I would open and close the door and check all my pockets hundreds of times even after the cloths are already soap and water soaked, just being overly cautious in general. lmao. Man, on reflection, it was way worse than I tend to think about.

I don't know how to wrap up what I think about honestly. Just daily stuff I guess, but growing up, near everyone I met for any length of time said I think way too much. I don't really have a gauge for that or know exactly how much is too much or what that even means entirely. Its always just kind of been normal for me though.
 
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ConsolCWBY

Guest
what were the medications? are you taking any medications now?
Totally Medication Free. I don't wish to list them, due to privacy concerns for both myself and the people involved. Since my Doctor confirmed it was an extremely low chance this would happen - it wasn't a total surprise. My choice, after all.

has your diet changed in any way since then, or has your body weight/shape changed?
I have always gone for Organic, non-GMO. The only thing changed since is I've lost some weight. Good thing for a fatty like me! :D

have you had a stroke? did you have any event where you went to sleep in some place that is abnormally hot?
No stroke that I am aware of. I live alone so I may have had seizures, I just wouldn't know unless I was standing or sitting and suddenly find myself on the floor. It is my understanding many people may not know if they have a mild stroke. The possibility has crossed my mind.

are you aware of any nutreint defientcies you have?
I've always had a problem with low potassium levels, so I make sure I eat something which can raise it.

and finally what are you thinking about on an average day?
Besides naked ladies? Erm... A few designs I am working on... I've been considering approaching some of the collision-detection as a generic script or if I should use a more hard-coded (read: object specific) design. Pros and Cons in each - a script, of course, would be re-usable, yet debugging would be a pain. So, getting my ideas down of paper before I 'lose' them is what I'm concentrating on. Besides that, mostly naked ladies. :D

have you tried to look into any of the research into nootropic and or ampakine drugs?
I am currently on bad terms with the state-run medical community. It seems if I would like such things the suggestion they would make would be to manufacture them myself. (I understand how this sounds, but I have been blackballed from any medical attention I may need. The reasons are... ironic. This is all I can say at this time.)

if you have the dicipline the one thing that will help you more than anything else though is meditation, breathing techniques...
I have actually taught a few people a technique I use which includes Tantric breathing exercises combined with Taoist meditation and visualization to counter-act panic attacks, which I sometimes suffer from due to PTSD and Paranoia (both of which have been clinically diagnosed). Interestingly enough, it helps a great deal. New-Age thinking, as I understand it, evolved from the Theosophical philosophy and I have very little respect for either on both Moral and Ethical grounds (let alone Logical and Scientific grounds). I would rather go to the source of info than get an agenda-based opinion of the source. Interestingly, this is why I am banned in most churches, synagogs, mosques, and government buildings! (Joking!) :D

i wish you well, best thing to do is just exercise your brain, its ok to forget lots of stuff if you have an overactive imagination. :)
And this is why I enjoy programming! The naked lady thing... well, it's out of habit, mostly! :)
 
ocd can be debilitating and i have had episodes that are very charecteristic of it in trying to find things, most of the time its for unimportant stuff, like a ram card or a photo and for a while i will try turning over the entire house trying to find it but the thing is im aware that im not acting normally that said i just let it run its course.

do you have panic attacks roa?

@ConsolCWBY

i understand if you dont feel comfortable about talking about meds, just please do try to learn about the mechanisms that they function by, most pharmachological medication nowadays is basicly like throwing a monkey into your brain and letting it turn on and off all your receptors and when combine with the reregulation by your body to adjust for it, crazy stuff does happen.

you do realize that just because something is organic that doesnt mean its actually good for you? its just a marketing tactic to increase the price while reducing the overall cost of growing, also are you eatting enough fish and meat, allot of vegans have huge nutrient defientcies and it often shortens their life spans, you need your b-12. :)

yes potassium defientcy can and will screw up your mental processes, have you ever checked about your copper, zinc and manganese and possibly iodine (though so much stuff is iodine fortified now)

ok well sounds like your not thinking about something that is so self absorbing your not paying attention to the world around you.

um those medications, exspecially if your in the us, are by and large not offered by the medical system, you can order them off the web easily from suppliment or brain stores, its completely legal to import you dont need permits and
almost all of the nootropics/ampakines dontconflict with other medication although you should read up on each and take it slow to make sure you dont have an adverse reaction.

but yeah what ever happened with the medical system is not going to effect those (unless their is some crazy law im unaware of)

ah good so you know a few things, yeah meditation will help a ton if your having stress problems and yeah im glad your aware of some of what i was warning you about, theosophy and exspecially some of the groups that came out of the new york burn out district have turned into fuel for allot of crazy stuff.

sounds to me like you are doing just fine, maybe trying to practise with flash cards or memorizing randomized decks could help a great deal for your short term memory otherwise i would not be worried yeah that feeling of forgetting entire days is unnerving but honestly i cant even remember precisely what i was doing just before i wrote this message, sure i remember the information i was reading but what my physical body was doing, not a clue. :D
 

Ehsan

Pirates vs Clones
I had OCD in general. The real kind, not the kind people jokingly talk about. An actual medical diagnosis.
Interesting, @Roa, I think(certainly) I have OCD as well (real one). Never diagnosed though. I have couple of questions if you don't mind.
Do you "ocd" in public/around people as well? Or just when you're alone?
I never got a diagnosis, did you get any treatment? Medication?
(Feeling like I am asking personal stuff, you could PM if you'd like to).

I lost many hours in total to OCD. High School was hard, but I managed that well. Coming to college I lost everything. My motivation, determination to push forward through everything, my social anxiety kicked in harder (with no friends being aside me), the same with my OCD; everything worked against me and I dropped out until today. Although, I took jobs and aside it I wanted to follow/create my own path and do things my way, everything adjusted to my issues. I can't say I consider myself succeeded yet, but all I have in mind is my goals!
Luckily I overwon many psychological issues like social anxiety, selfconfidence and insomnia (also had crazy dreams and sleep paralysis that made me 💩💩💩💩 my pyjamas!) by simply exercising! It really is a miracle treatment. I slept better (also changed from night to day person), got a better physique where I feel confident and healthy. Got out a lot and met people, breaking the barriers between age difference(I was easily intimidated by older people - I was a very submissive person). Ofcourse, there are things that can't be simply solved by exercising, like my OCD, but helped me well enough!
Lately been a little "out of my game" (no pun intended, since I'm also taking a break from gamedev) but this thread made me reflect on that and I'm thinking to start working out again (P90X for life)!! Maybe I'll start running first or something...
 
I have untreated, somewhat crippling depression. One of the major things I do every day is try to make others feel better even if it is the smallest gesture of kindness. I also enjoy making others laugh and will come up with sharp jokes on the spot when I'm in the mood for it. The main reason why I do this is because I dislike it when people are sad as it quickly makes me sad too. Nobody likes feeling worthless.

We are all fundamentally lonely and I figured if I want the world to be a better place, I'll just offer my kindness to someone I do not know in hopes of starting a chain reaction.

It goes to show in this thread that everyone is fighting some sort of unseen battle and I try to keep that in mind at all times. Thanks for sharing!
 

Roa

Member
ocd can be debilitating and i have had episodes that are very charecteristic of it in trying to find things, most of the time its for unimportant stuff, like a ram card or a photo and for a while i will try turning over the entire house trying to find it but the thing is im aware that im not acting normally that said i just let it run its course.

do you have panic attacks roa?
A couple, mostly my dad intentionally trying to get my goat, like refusing to wash his hands after using the bathroom and immediately getting in the fridge and I would follow him around cleaning stuff yelling my head off. Sometimes it ended up in physical altercations. I remember one night I totally lost my 💩💩💩💩 trying to scrub all the floors in the house because my dad step in dog 💩💩💩💩 and didn't care XD. I spent like 4 hours spraying aerosol everywhere and mopping and yelling at my mom to mop. Trying to get my dads shoes off him. That same night I tried to build a model car ontop of a large book because I didn't want the parts touching the floor and they just kept rolling off and so I would make a trip to the sink to scrub them. Literally depleted the entire bottle of soap in a single night, probably over a hundred times I had washed an object, and then my hands separately for touching said objects while it was "unclean".

Interesting, @Roa, I think(certainly) I have OCD as well (real one). Never diagnosed though. I have couple of questions if you don't mind.
Do you "ocd" in public/around people as well? Or just when you're alone?
I never got a diagnosis, did you get any treatment? Medication?
(Feeling like I am asking personal stuff, you could PM if you'd like to).

I lost many hours in total to OCD. High School was hard, but I managed that well. Coming to college I lost everything. My motivation, determination to push forward through everything, my social anxiety kicked in harder (with no friends being aside me), the same with my OCD; everything worked against me and I dropped out until today. Although, I took jobs and aside it I wanted to follow/create my own path and do things my way, everything adjusted to my issues. I can't say I consider myself succeeded yet, but all I have in mind is my goals!
Luckily I overwon many psychological issues like social anxiety, selfconfidence and insomnia (also had crazy dreams and sleep paralysis that made me **** my pyjamas!) by simply exercising! It really is a miracle treatment. I slept better (also changed from night to day person), got a better physique where I feel confident and healthy. Got out a lot and met people, breaking the barriers between age difference(I was easily intimidated by older people - I was a very submissive person). Ofcourse, there are things that can't be simply solved by exercising, like my OCD, but helped me well enough!
Lately been a little "out of my game" (no pun intended, since I'm also taking a break from gamedev) but this thread made me reflect on that and I'm thinking to start working out again (P90X for life)!! Maybe I'll start running first or something...
I was OCD in public, but I tried to hide it. I just accepted the outside world was contaminated and I invented ways to work around it. Always had purell on my persons at all times. And when I came home, I would instantly remove all my cloths at the door and put them in a pile of cloths unfit to touch till washed. Didn't even want them near my room. So everyday I went through several pairs of cloths. I was doing laundry near daily. Out side that, I actually functioned rather well out in the world. People were generally very accepting of me(I should say they never poked at my medical issues, I did have the typical no spine bullied kid issues), and no one pointed out my quirks or the fact that I was walking around with gauze gauntlets most of my late elementary, middle school life.

I didn't really get treatment save some ointments for my skin. I talked to counselors but they weren't very effective on me. Their best weapon was also threatening me with skin grafts, but other than that, they didn't really bother with my OCD stuff. There were other issues with me that they were far more concerned with.

But yeah, there were other issues like a very deep depression and social anxiety that followed me around like that too. Not directly related to the OCD I don't think, but it didn't help. They had me on like 140mg Zoloft by 4rth grade. I guess that targets both depression and OCD, but half the time I didn't take it. It angered me that they wanted to wrap my life's issues up in "chemical imbalance" vs dealing with daily life, that my parents convinced me not to talk about. Glad I didn't take that 💩💩💩💩 consistently cause it actually got recalled in children for causing a surge of suicide.
 
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K

Kahvana

Guest
@ConsolCWBY thank you for sharing your story!, and @Dogwithswords you clearly inspired me to continue your chain :).

To tell you how I deal with my problems (because ConsolCWBY asked for it!):
First of all, lets start with autism. Since my 1th year of being alive, I got multiple tags as "classic autist" which quickly changes to "mentally challenged *retarded*" and then changed to PDDNOS light -> heavily (and switching between those 5x) and now I have a light form of Asperger.

Thanks to my abnormality, I've got a slower / not proper functional nerve system, which means that I can hold my hand in a fire without feeling pain or getting a delayed message to my brain (which is, of course very dangerous). Besides that, I've got learning problems (autism related), dyslexia, and discovered on my 14th that I cannot see depth (which inspired me to do what im good at - creating & programming 3D environments).

The most annoying of them all are the learning problems, which requires me to need a personal mentor/coach to help me with things I cannot overcome due my limitations. Otherwise I require double the amount of time compared to a "normal" person to learn it. As for my vision: You learn to live with it. I don't know how the world would be if I here able to see it, and don't feel the need to know as I can program my own 3D world :3.

[EDIT]
ConsolCWBY, why not programming your own stickly note program with alarm function?. It could help you with remembering stuff, as it can display a warning across devices ;).
 
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ConsolCWBY

Guest
ConsolCWBY, why not programming your own stickly note program with alarm function?. It could help you with remembering stuff, as it can display a warning across devices
Firstly, I'm too lazy! Secondly, I don't need cross-device since I only have 1 extra - my cell phone, and it's so old it would probably die it's final death if I put something like this on it. And thirdly, I have my laptop on most of the time and I already use something like this. My problem is with physical notes, I keep forgetting where I put them if they're not on my table or refrigerator! xD Funny enough, I've been pretty good remembering lately - probably because I've been doing my mental 'gymnastics' routine. But thank you for the advice! I'll consider it some more. (I'll also tell you the truth: I have no faith whatsoever in the DSM-IV or -V, so I'd be cautious about behavioural psychology if I were you when you get old enough - do research about the history of it and you'll see what I mean. One of these people at a party had tagged me with 12 disorders over the course of a 5 minute conversation. Offended, I verbally retaliated, whereby I was given another 12. It stopped once they were thrown out - for being too anti-social! LOL! xD So, do research yourself when you enter either University or college!)

@KingdomOfGamez : Thank you for the compliment! While it's fun to be silly, sometimes getting 'real' helps, you know? ;)
 
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