Its all gone wrong.

[Misty]

So like, my friend was over and I drew him some art, he asked for the papers but I was afraid he'd lose them, so I kept them and promised him I'd scan it an upload it...Put the drawings on my dresser to make sure I wouldn't lose them.

Long story short, 3 years later I go to get the drawings and scan them for him and they are gone...not on top of my dresser and I can't find them...maybe the ink dried up on the paper's and disappeared....I don't deserve to live.

I don't deserve to live and now his drawings that I drew for him are gone.

Can't draw them again cause I'm not the same person that I was 3 years ago, when I try to draw humans now I can't muster it...they all look the same to me and when I think of humans I just get angry...long story short I can't draw humans.

So I will never see those pictures and now the entire thing and game will be a failure...Basically it's like destroying a museum or a past self...those pictures were the only thing of my past self and now they are gone...forever...just like my past self...the happy go lucky innocence depicted in those drawings...forever dead and lost to the ages.


Long story short the same friend I drew them for just called me a

Spoiler: cuss word

b word

in a really mean tone of voice because I asked him to stop calling me a liar over and over again, reason he called me a liar is because he kept asking me to watch a movie and I said I was busy and would be ready in 15 minutes, but he kept asking every 2 seconds over and over again and calling me a liar for not obeying him...And his girlfriend told me to

Spoiler: cuss word

f off

after she got through saying a bunch of her bigoted views, and I said they hurt my feelings but she said her views are not offensive and should not hurt anyone's feelings.
I hate my life and I hate my crummy self.

 

[NPT]

maybe the ink dried up on the paper's and disappeared

Do you honestly believe this is the most likely explanation for what happened to the drawings?

 

[Toni]

Put the drawings on my dresser to make sure I wouldn't lose them.

Long story short, 3 years later I go to get the drawings and scan them for him

I'm pretty sure "hey, give me these drawings." "nah man you'll lose them I'll scan them in for you" *THREE YEARS LATER* was your mistake there.

 

[Gamer (ex-Cantavanda)]

huh ???
Why did you suddenly go 3 years in time?
And why is he still angry after three years?

 

[chance]

Can't draw them again cause I'm not the same person that I was 3 years ago (snip)

I guess we all lose some abilities as we grow up, even as we gain new abilities. For example when I was a kid I could tell ridiculous stories like this one, and keep a straight face. But as an adult, I can't do that anymore.

...(snip)...I hate my life and I hate my crummy self.

No! That's our job!


(just kidding)

 

[Guest User]

You're either a troll or you need to see a psychiatrist.

 

[Gamer (ex-Cantavanda)]

You just gotta accept that sometimes, bad luck like this happens, everyone has bad luck, some worse, some less worse then this. It's part of the journey of life, you have bad luck, or make a mistake, and learn from it. It's not really too appropriate to complain about it publicly, but I think you need that, so I'll let that slide. And please, if you make a mistake, or have bad luck, don't start self-hating, that will make you feel more miserable, think about how you'll FIX it, and daydream about having learned from the mistake you just made, that's always a trick that helps me when I f.uck up!

And don't worry, you'll learn how to draw that stuff again if you REALLY want to, I don't think there's such thing as losing an ability (except with brain damage but I'm not talking about that). Concentrate, and find once again how you managed to draw that.

 

[Misty]

Thing is, sometimes I never learn from my mistakes, sometimes I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. This is for 2 reasons - I don't have enough memory storage to memorize every mistake I made....and 2 I try to forget all my mistakes in the first place, because remembering them makes me feel negative.
And even if I draw them again, it will never be the same.

huh ???
Why did you suddenly go 3 years in time?
And why is he still angry after three years?

He's not angry at me for that, he's angy that I am not obedient to him and watch a movie the minute he demands it.

Do you honestly believe this is the most likely explanation for what happened to the drawings?

I want to be scientific about it, so I can't say for sure. The other possibility is that I sleptwalked and plum moved the drawings to the garbage disposal, never to be seen again.

I'm pretty sure "hey, give me these drawings." "nah man you'll lose them I'll scan them in for you" *THREE YEARS LATER* was your mistake there.

It might be.

You're either a troll or you need to see a psychiatrist.

My psychiatrist doesn't know what to do.

 

[chance]

(snip)
My psychiatrist doesn't know what to do.

Then you should stop paying him. Because if all you're getting for your money are questions like "vat do YOU sink de problem is?", you're wasting it. (Even if he has a Viennese accent.)

Instead of therapy, maybe you should just make more games. Create something you like. Or something you feel others may like. That's very gratifying. And it will take your mind off yourself.

 

[Misty]

Then you should stop paying him. Because if all you're getting for your money are questions like "vat do YOU sink de problem is?", you're wasting it. (Even if he has a Viennese accent.)

But my psychiatrist is one of the few people I can relate to. She hates society almost as much as me.

Instead of therapy, maybe you should just make more games. Create something you like. Or something you feel others may like. That's very gratifying. And it will take your mind off yourself.

I agree. I want nothing more than to stay indoors and make games 24/7. Unfortunately my body compells me to go outward and scavenge for food, into the danger zone in proximity of social interactions *shudders*

 

[MikeDark_x]

But my psychiatrist is one of the few people I can relate to. She hates society almost as much as me.

She just acts that way to get closer to you I will never trust anybody with enough knowledge of psychology, I don't even trust myself... Just kidding, Weirdly enough I'm a very sociable person... and sometimes you should trust psychiatrists

Also read novels, they're great and help you ignore people you want to ignore, I discovered this by accident as I'm usually reading novels and other stuff when I'm alone and my mind usually slips from reality when I'm reading so no matter how much the other person is talking to me I'm not hearing him/her, they usually give up and go away, you won't notice until you finish a chapter thought.

 

[Guest User]

My psychiatrist doesn't know what to do.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. If your psychiatrist can't help you, we sure as hell can't.
So, insensitive as this sounds, just stop making these topics. Like I said, we can't help any more than a psychiatrist can.

 

[johnwo]

I don't deserve to live.

Yes you do.

I don't deserve to live and now his drawings that I drew for him are gone.

His drawing are not as important as a life.

after she got through saying a bunch of her bigoted views, and I said they hurt my feelings but she said her views are not offensive and should not hurt anyone's feelings.
I hate my life and I hate my crummy self.

Let her bigoted views be her bigoted views.
If her views hurt your feelings, then her bigoted views are offensive to someone, therefore her views are offensive by definition.

You have the high ground in this situation, although it might no feel like you do.


Don't hate your life, and don't hate yourself. You did the best you could considering the circumstances.
Cherish life. Don't let people put you down. People with bigoted views are often bigoted people.

I can relate. I've been though similar situations (in relation with musicians which I work with) and I suffered from anxiety and depression.
CBT helped me break the circle, and I am now much happier then I have ever been.

Ask you psychiatrist to get you into CBT. Who knows, it might just be the thing you need.

It might sound like mocking or an insult, but I mean it in the outmost sincere way:
Cheer up, it gets better!

 

[Misty]

Also read novels, they're great and help you ignore people you want to ignore, I discovered this by accident as I'm usually reading novels and other stuff when I'm alone and my mind usually slips from reality when I'm reading so no matter how much the other person is talking to me I'm not hearing him/her, they usually give up and go away, you won't notice until you finish a chapter thought.

Novels are excruciatingly boring pieces of work, half of them are books about nothing, like a Seinfield episode, I'm not gonna sit and waste my time reading about people I'd actually hate in real life. And no, there isn't any novel I'd find entertaining.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. If your psychiatrist can't help you, we sure as hell can't.
So, insensitive as this sounds, just stop making these topics. Like I said, we can't help any more than a psychiatrist can.

Fallacy alert. Psychiatrists are not necessarily gods, its a fallacy to assume that noone on the internet can outdo them.

I don't deserve to live.

Yes you do.

But the GMC doesnt seem to think my topics deserve to live. They closed my raytracing topic merely asking for creative suggestions.

You have the high ground in this situation, although it might no feel like you do.

But it doen't feel like I do, when she says her bigotry it makes me feel like im run into the dirt.

Don't let people put you down.

She is one of my only real friends, so I have no choice but to take her abuse.

Ask you psychiatrist to get you into CBT. Who knows, it might just be the thing you need.

Told it to my old therapist and old psychiatrist and they ignored me. The idea of being a test subject interests me, reminds me of Valve games, so I will look into it

 

[johnwo]

But the GMC doesnt seem to think my topics deserve to live. They closed my raytracing topic merely asking for creative suggestions.

A topic on the GMC forums and your life are two very different and separate things. To be frank, you where requesting people to make a raytracing script for you.

But it doen't feel like I do, when she says her bigotry it makes me feel like im run into the dirt.

Like you said; It's bigotry. If you recognize it as bigotry, then don't take it.

She is one of my only real friends, so I have no choice but to take her abuse.

Not to be rude, but that doesn't sound like a good friend to me.

Stand up for yourself, seek help, and don't give up until you get it. I'm saying that you should seek help in real life, not on the GMC forums.
You might want to seek support here, but you won't get much help.

I wish you all the best!

 

[Misty]

A topic on the GMC forums and your life are two very different and separate things. To be frank, you where requesting people to make a raytracing script for you.

Didn't even ask for code, but meta concepts, and even that was too much to ask for I guess.

Not to be rude, but that doesn't sound like a good friend to me.

Compared to most of my other friends and acquaintances, she is.

Stand up for yourself, seek help, and don't give up until you get it. I'm saying that you should seek help in real life, not on the GMC forums.
You might want to seek support here, but you won't get much help.

I wish you all the best!

I'm going to "real life" group therapy tomorrow, and i can guarantee its gonna be boring and not help at all. No help from the GMC? They won't even help me download a PDF file.

 

[johnwo]

Didn't even ask for code, but meta concepts, and even that was too much to ask for I guess.

[1] [2] two very good papers on the subject, although they might be a bit heavy, and abstract, you'll surely learn something from them. You can also find other sources on the internet, like gamedev.stackexchange.com, ect.

Compared to most of my other friends and acquaintances, it is.

It's often those closest to you that treat you badly. Take a brake and spend some time with your other friends and acquaintances.

I'm going to "real life" group therapy tomorrow, and i can guarantee its gonna be boring and not help at all.

With that attitude, you won't help the group or yourself. Try to let go, but at the same time prioritize helping yourself. Use the group to your benefit; That way you might give some answers to the people in the group that is in the same position as you, and you might learn something from the group as well.

Like I said; I wish you all the best!

 

[MikeDark_x]

Novels are excruciatingly boring pieces of work, half of them are books about nothing, like a Seinfield episode, I'm not gonna sit and waste my time reading about people I'd actually hate in real life. And no, there isn't any novel I'd find entertaining.

Now, you are an extremely boring person, your life is about nothing, like a cory in the house episode, I'm not gonna sit and waste my time talking to someone this boring in real life, and no there's no way you can become interesting

Back to topic, you're extremely boring and since I found a tree near here, I'm taking my leaf, have a good day

 

[Misty]

Now, you are an extremely boring person, your life is about nothing, like a cory in the house episode, I'm not gonna sit and waste my time talking to someone this boring in real life, and no there's no way you can become interesting

Back to topic, you're extremely boring and since I found a tree near here, I'm taking my leaf, have a good day

Perhaps if I was more like a character from a Seinfield episode, or a teenager who talks with their fellows about the latest pop songs, fast food, and cultural memes, I would find my way into your good graces and not be so boring for you, yes?

[1] [2] two very good papers on the subject, although they might be a bit heavy, and abstract, you'll surely learn something from them. You can also find other sources on the internet, like gamedev.stackexchange.com, ect.

First article won't load, second article seems devoted to graphical raytracing shaders, hyper smooth terrain and bunch of functions gm doesn't have, not sure if I can derive too much from this.

It's often those closest to you that treat you badly. Take a brake and spend some time with your other friends and acquaintances.

But the others are too busy and will not give me the time of day.

With that attitude, you won't help the group or yourself. Try to let go, but at the same time prioritize helping yourself. Use the group to your benefit; That way you might give some answers to the people in the group that is in the same position as you, and you might learn something from the group as well.

Like I said; I wish you all the best!

Haven't learned anything so far, and doubt I will.

 

[Matthew]

Origami is fun. Have you tried that? I remember the good old days, back when I was in elementary school, I'd fold papers all the time with my best friend. I remember getting scolded by some banshee for teaching people to make water balloons.
What did you think would happen if you gave a bunch of 8 year olds origami water balloons?
"b*tch, I'm 8 " wasn't in my vocabulary at the time, luckily.

Oh, but then his dad shot his entire family in the head before he killed himself. Was his dad the hero of his own story, or did he just grow terribly bored with it? Maybe he looked ahead and didn't like the ending. If nothing bad happened, you'd be unsure as to when exactly life stopped being enjoyable.

 

[Misty]

Origami is fun. Have you tried that? I remember the good old days, back when I was in elementary school, I'd fold papers all the time with my best friend. I remember getting scolded by some banshee for teaching people to make water balloons.
What did you think would happen if you gave a bunch of 8 year olds origami water balloons?
"b*tch, I'm 8 " wasn't in my vocabulary at the time, luckily.

I enjoyed origami in my younger years but I have grown up from those days. I still do origami, but it is like second nature to me, like doodling, not an actual hobby.

Oh, but then his dad shot his entire family in the head before he killed himself. Was his dad the hero of his own story, or did he just grow terribly bored with it? Maybe he looked ahead and didn't like the ending. If nothing bad happened, you'd be unsure as to when exactly life stopped being enjoyable.

Not sure with this means, there are only two characters in this story. You and the banshee, and banshees are female, so it can be "his dad". And it can't be your dad either, unless you survived a gunshot wound to the head, since "shot his entire family in the head". So I am not sure what this means.

 

[MikeDark_x]

Perhaps if I was more like a character from a Seinfield episode, or a teenager who talks with their fellows about the latest pop songs, fast food, and cultural memes, I would find my way into your good graces and not be so boring for you, yes?

Eww, you get even more boring... I'll go back to read something...

 

[Misty]

Eww, you get even more boring... I'll go back to read something...

So rude. I am not boring.
But I wonder are you boring? Say something that will entertain me? Yes?

 

[MikeDark_x]

So rude. I am not boring.
But I wonder are you boring? Say something that will entertain me? Yes?

Why should I? Boring people get entertained by boring stuff, therefore fun people can't entertain boring people, it's logic.

 

[Misty]

Why should I? Boring people get entertained by boring stuff, therefore fun people can't entertain boring people, it's logic.

There is no logic there.
Of course you can't entertain me and have to make up some bogus excuse, because you just can't entertain.
So I up the ante...I want to see you entertain the majority of the people here, so there's no possible way you can make an excuse and say it's just me.
So, entertain us.

 

[MikeDark_x]

I see no reason to

*sips tea while reading some random light novel*

 

[Misty]

misty he is not your dancing monkey we are not here for your entertainment.

He said I was boring...I was simply defending myself by making him prove that he is not boring.

 

[MikeDark_x]

He said I was boring...I was simply defending myself by making him prove that he is not boring.

That's not how it works, if you want to show proof that you're not boring you can try to be funny (although I must say that never works), it's the logical thing to do

 

[Misty]

Then tell me a joke.

 

[Lukasmah]

Then tell me a joke.

Construct. Oh, sorry, I'm not Mike...

 

[AlphaChannel]

Why is Yoda afraid of seven?

Spoiler

Because six seven eight.

 

[MikeDark_x]

Then tell me a joke.

I'd say life but that is too dark... *drops the Mike*

 

[Misty]

so he said you were boring so what? do you need to defend yourself from every single feeling you have? does telling him to entertain you validate your existence in any way?

I don't know what the term "validate my existence" means. I exist, I know I exist, I don't need anyone to validate that for me.

 

[MikeDark_x]

I don't know what the term "validate my existence" means. I exist, I know I exist, I don't need anyone to validate that for me.

True although you are mostly nothing, we are mostly nothing, because well... atoms are kind of empty

Which makes me wonder... Does stuff exist or is it just part of somebody's imagination, does it exist for my sake or am I just some random NPC?

Of course I know I exist, but the real question is... What does 42 answer? *suspense music plays in the background*

 

[Misty]

If you experience you exist. You exist for somebody's imagination - your own. Anyone watching you would be you, because they would be Consciousness, and you would be them in the past or future.

 

[MikeDark_x]

well part of the questions has to do with frogs

I seriously thought it was related to towels... My life is a lie...

 

[Misty]

it does exist but you dont because your existence is dependent upon thinking you exist, stop thinking and you are nothing.

That is a false statement. Thinking is not the only essence of consciousness....it is simply "being", and one cannot simply cease to be. But if one were to cease to be, then they would be nothing.

You are not an iminiation of your imagination, their are other people in the world than just yourself, you do realize that misty, other people are not you in the past or future?.

I don't think you understand. Can you please explain to me how parallel consciousness, which never will or have inhabited the other, both exist? It's a paradox of the highest order.

 

[Lukasmah]

known as sunyata

Spoiler

 

[MikeDark_x]

define "being".

Err... 42? Towel? Don't tell me... it actually means CLOWN?!

 

[chance]

There is something profoundly sad about the pinata. This kid understands.

 

[MikeDark_x]

There is something profoundly sad about the pinata. This kid understands.

Poor pinatas... I annihilated some myself... I'm a monster...