I need insult ideas, please share.

Yes, this is GameMaker related.
My game I am working on essentially insults you whenever you lose at a level. It is currently a bunch of different ways to call someone a failure. For example:
"Most people try to beat levels in a game"
"Well, THAT could have gone better"
"You see, the idea is to NOT do what you just did"
"Maybe try to play the game correctly! That might help"

You get the idea.

I am looking for good, CLEAN insults from people, which would be good to say to players who suck. Have at it!


"I've seen kittens with better skills than you!"
"Why don't you try going up to them and hugging them I'm sure that'll help you beat the game."
"I'm sorry I thought you had skills, guess not!"

Freddy Jones

Your Main Detective
- This game wasn't made for babies
- Are you sure you have a brain?
- Somebody take the controller from this monkey!
- I'd say you're really good if failing was the goal.
- Words of encouragement: everyone's better at this than you!
- Even a blind man said this hurts to watch.
- Looks like you being a failure doesn't end at this game.
- I don't want to encourage you, it'd just be false hope.
- Don't start crying now, that won't get you through this tutorial.
- I need to make an achievement for failure just for you! <ask for name> *Achievement unlocked: A failure as big as "name"*
- Knock. Knock. Knock. Anybody home?
- No one's good at everything . . . but you're bad at everything
- You're impressing me with your ability to fail so effortlessly
- It takes skill to be this bad
- No one looks up to you
- Incredible! I didn't think you'd get that far with your eyes closed.
"Huh. Never seen it done like that before."
"No, seriously. Do it for real this time."
"Well, you tried. They can never take THAT away from you."
"Okay it was funny the first few times..."
"Let's get your name up on the leaderboard! Wait, was that mean? That feels mean."

Of course nothing will ever beat the best insult-on-level-failure quote, from the Katamari Damacy games: "It's not your fault for failing. It's Our fault for believing in you."

Freddy Jones

Your Main Detective
- It ain't getting easier, and you're not getting any better
- If this is difficult for you I don't imagine you call anything easy
- I didn't need THAT much convincing to believe you couldn't do it.
- The bets were never really in your favor.
- I'd say take a break but I don't think you've actually tried
- Don't blame the game, it's your lousy fingers making the mistakes
- Have you tried seeing a doctor? There might be a cure for stupid!!
- Ouch, I hope no one's watching you play . . .
- I found you some diapers! You big baby.
- Oh I see you left your controller on. There's obviously no intelligent being playing the game. I'll fix that for you *disables controller*
- You really don't have it in you
- You're on your last life here and I literally gave you an unlimited number of tries. Impressive!
- Looks like the controller needs a new player, somethings broken with them.
- I hope you're a rock because something needs to explain how dense you are!
- No no, it's okay. You don't have to win, I knew you couldn't anyways.
- Anyone who was cheering you on has left a long time ago.
- Not even a miracle can help you at this rate.
- You're so bad I turned off the obstacles and you still lost!
- I was never a betting man, but there's a 100% guarantee you'll fail again.
- Winning really wasn't ever an option for you, was it?
- Click yes to confirm that you're a failure, click no to deny the truth: *buttons -> (yes) (yes)*
- The only one held hostage here is me, having to watch you lose over and over again
- Oh come on! Can we get anyone on here with some skill?
- I hope you read that the minimum requirements for this game was a brain. Right?
- There's nothing more insulting than being as bad as you.
- Your next thousand tries won't look any better, I know this because you're really bad!
- Simply put: you're not going to see results if you keep letting that monkey play this for you


Forum Staff
  • No, DON'T die.
  • You're doing it wrong! Give me the controller!
  • Uh... you okay there?
  • Are you even trying?
  • Not even worth to clip that one...
  • My last relationship seemed more promising than that try.
  • Agaaaiiinnn?
  • I'm almost impressed by how terrible you are at this.
  • You that did wrong. You read that wrong. Can't even do that right.
  • Hope only dies last because you went first.
  • Did you even read the manual of this game?
  • Is your keyboard broken or something?
  • Do that again, but don't suck.
  • Pro tip: Survive more than you die.
  • You're supposed to DODGE that.
  • Are you a masochist?
  • This strategy has a 100%* success rate in some** cases.
  • This is not a comedy show.
  • It's not even funny anymore.
  • Everything you stand for just died screaming in agony.
  • Giving up would be less embarrassing at this point.


1 in 7 billion chance to be the worst in the world at Video games and you achieved it. Congratulations!
I think you may have the controller upside down.
You will never be the smartest person in the room.
u hav teh drain bamage
Are you allergic to winning or something?
What's the opposite of playing video games? Whatever it is, you should do that thing.
We tried to design this game so you could beat it but apparently that's impossible.
I'm seriously concerned you may have some brain damage. Have you seen a doctor recently?
Don't go to college, you'll be throwing your money away.
Let me guess, your moms brother is also your dad.
Normally I'd insult your intelligence right about now but I have a feeling you've heard them all

Freddy Jones

Your Main Detective
- I'd say think twice but you'll have to think at least one time before that
- All I want to see is you fail, and it seems that's exactly what I'll get
- Would you like to us to activate super weenie-hut junior mode?
- They don't make em like they used to, yanno? Like with any value to humanity
- Mom, look, no talent!
- Ahh - so you're the worlds top contender for the biggest failure
- Might I suggest you play tic tac toe with a carrot instead? You might win at that one.
- You're perfect just the way you are, an absolute failure
- if I had a dollar for every time you failed, I'd need a much bigger bank
- is this how you spend your time in the nursing home?
- who will ever look up to you? Nobody!!
- it's not me, it's you
- these insults aren't free, you know?
- take your time. Why such a rush to fail?
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King of Raccoons

  • Boy that sucked, if you hurry you might be able to get a refund!
  • Wow you're doing great!... Oh no, your dead.
  • Did you even try?
  • Hey let me try!, Cant do any worse then you.
  • Is your baby sibling playing this game? You know you can unplug the controller right?
  • Once more from the top!
  • *snore* Oh your still trying? Don't mind me then. *long snore*
  • Hey Nintendo was right with throwing, you should take a break, in your face.
  • The aim of the game is to win.
  • Maybe if you try harder you wont suck so much.
  • I cant not believe you right now, what is this? The hundredth time?
  • You're doing great! Keep at it! Don't give up!...Those are the things I would say IF YOU WHERE WINNING!
  • And like the loser you are, you've failed again.
  • To bad there's not a skip button!
  • Really?! YOU'RE ON EASY!
  • Perhaps you should turn down the difficulty, wimp.
  • I guess picking Hard mode was a bad idea.
  • Boy when they say nightmare, they meant it!
  • Don't worry, I'll still be here when you lose again.
  • Do you know the definition of insanity?
  • It's trying the same thing over.
  • and over again.
  • Expecting a different result.
  • I heard Quiting wasn't a bad idea.
  • Wow that sucked, please, don't try again.
  • Who's really suffering here? Me or you?
  • *munches popcorn* HA, failure! *loud smacking*
  • Aw, don't cry, it makes you look even more disgusting.
  • My grandma could play better then you! and shes old!
  • give up, phrasal verb of give, cease making an effort; resign oneself to failure.

  • You know there's other people who've done this way better then you.
  • Have you heard all my quips yet?
  • How about this one?
  • Still failing? What a shocker!
  • I really have to thank you for helping me practice my sarcasm.
  • I think Elmo's spelling adventure is more your style.
  • I heard Alt+F4 gives you infinite lives.
  • Did you fall for the Alt+F4 trick yet? No? Well at least you GOOD AT SOMETHING!
  • Failure number 256
  • Failure number 257
  • Failure number 258
  • Failure number 259
  • Yes i'm keeping count.
  • Could you start getting good? I Had plans after this.
  • *muttering to self* well if I cancel brunch with Micheal, I can still make the appointment- Oh? back so soon? No, No, Take you time.
  • We have all the time in the world! Time, Time, so much...TIME. *snore*
  • Just imagine telling this to your friends, Oh my god. DID you get the game over ending? The game over ending is my favorite!
  • You know these write them selves, We are just getting started.
  • There once was a player
  • Who was so bad, I just didn't care
  • Who cares about rhymes
  • When we have all the time
  • Why do you think you can do better?
  • I've been practicing poems, Do you suck at that too?
  • No no, maybe you need some encouragement! DO BETTER!
  • I hope you kept the receipt.
  • Maybe you should go back to Solitaire.
  • Lose again? Why am I not surprised!
  • *screams* Oh you startled me! I didn't expect you back so soon!
  • Look I'm starting to beg now, please, just finish the game already.
  • This game is not even that hard! Why do you keep losing?!
  • Try dodging.
  • psst. Wanna know how to just beat this level? Press the middle stick!
  • If you collect all the coins You unlock doing something correctly!
  • Mario's already saved Peach by now!
  • Link has found all those damned bugs and here you are still struggling to finish this level.
  • Have you tried simply not dying?
  • Well you tried, Multiple times! All of them failures, But whats import is you tried. NOW DO BETTER!
  • Wrong!
  • Wrong again!
  • You make F's in school dont you?
  • See that? That's the type of losing a person without the love of there parents has.
  • Do I need to keep hurting your feelings to get you to beat this game? Come on already!
  • A person with no hands can do better then you!
  • I have nothing to say this time, you suck so much you didn't even give me enough time to think.
  • Still losing? Oh well, of course you are.
  • I found all the stars in mario and your still on level 1.
  • That's the spirit, Go out there and lose again. I'll be waiting.
-Lemmie guess, you pressed the wrong button?
-Stood in the fire again?
-I hope you're not streaming this.
-Can you at least play for one minute without dying!?
-Leroy!? Is that you?
-What else are you terrible at?
-Just turn me off already.
-Not even cheat codes could remedy your sheer ineptitude.
-Want a tip? Try to keep your finger out of your nose while you play.
I absolutely love the "My time has come" and his Stanley Parable references. Unfortunately, the way it is set up, it doesn't save what message it last said and then post the next, so a lot of those don't work.

I am up to 104 unique insults. =) Still taking submissions!

Freddy Jones

Your Main Detective
- Don't quit now, you still got a lot of failing to do before you do that.
- I've truly overestimated you, and I really didn't put you much higher than trash to begin with.
- You don't have what it takes; half a brain won't cut it.
- With your skill, your chances of winning will go up if you walk away.
- Stop making my game look bad.
- I didn't think it was technically possible to get a score this low . . .
- I understand why some games have a "baby" mode now.
- If I made the goal of the game to lose you'd probably win for once - in an ironic way.
- Alright you've made your statement. About a thousand times now, actually.
- I see you are one to chase pots of gold. Things beyond your ability, of course.
- Stop it, get some help.
- I got a word for you! It starts with un and rhymes with bearable.
- You deserve a well-earned break from all this success you haven't been having.
- I promise you'll get your victory once you start letting someone else play!
- Whoever told you they think you got this is NOT your friend.
- Do me us a favor and simply accept that you are a failure.
- According to my records you're the only one who hasn't beaten this! Go ask grandma for help and cookies (which you don't deserve).
- There are no words to describe how horrible you are at this, only unimaginable disappointment.
- Are you okay? Win one more time to let me know you're safe. Oh. . . carry on.
- Don't look at me for how many attempts you've made. Just know it's a LOT more than I can show.
- Even a monkey knows to do the opposite of what he sees you do.
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Just for the fun of it, I'm going to record all of these in my voice.
The idea popped to my head and now I can't get it out.

Freddy Jones

Your Main Detective
- I have a feeling you're starting to enjoy this. . .
- You'll beat this eventually! It'll take just a few more years is all.
- What's there to lose when that's all you seem to do??
- Well, at least no one's 2 times better than you. 2 * 0-skill is still 0 skill!
- I bet it's nice being you . . . Never being upset because you'll never win anyways.
- May I have your autograph? It's thrilling to meet the world's #1 failure!
- You're so good at this... not a single one of us ever thought.
- Don't feel so bad, save it for later when you realize failing is all you have to your name.
- I'm no fortune teller, but you definitely have no future to be told of.
- I was thinking of crying a bit ago, but then I remembered I'm not as bad as you :)
- I hope you're not getting paid to do this.
- All hope I had for you to win disappeared when you downloaded the game
- I know this is just a game, but you should really stop playing around
- For you , losing must be like riding a bike, because you'll never forget how to fail - clearly.
- Sheesh! Save some losses for the rest of us!
- Let the person next you know I'm proud of them for taking care of such a loser.
- You got the spirit, but there's no way in hell you got the skill!
- We'd like to apologize to your parents for being such a massive disappointment
- One day you'll learn why everyone's laughing at you - one day!

- I'm just software. I have nothing but time - just not that much time.

Why do I have enough time to make so many insults?
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Perhaps you should try using your fingers rather than your elbows?

I didn't design this game for a quadraplegic, sorry.

I've heard of sleep walking but... sleep-gaming?? WAKE UP!!!

If I'd have known you were so bad, I would have saved my time and made this the last level...

I have the number for a Keyboard-Repair shop. Seems like you need it.

Please please PLEASE believe me. THERE IS NO ACHIEVEMENT FOR 1000 DEATHS!
"Sarcastic Butler" accent would do the trick


"Sorry, but there's no speedrun category for dying, so why do you keep trying?"
"Take a break. You're clearly not at your best today. I hope so anyways"
"If you just beat this level, daddy might love you"
"Even if you win, at this rate, it's hardly an accomplishment. Just give up."
"I've seen worse. Like your last attempt. Man that was awful."
"Practice makes perfect. Or in your case, a perfectly good waste of time"
"We recorded your last attempt to cheer people up with depression: at least they don't suck THAT hard. You're doing god's work kid."
"Thomas Edison failed 3 thousand times before inventing the light bulb. What are you trying to invent?"
"It's like you don't even WANT to see the rest of the game."
"The creators of this game didn't program me to be able to feel emotions. But if I COULD feel anything, it'd be sorry for you."
"I wish I was an arcade game. I'd have so many quarters right now!"
"I've never seen someone fail at the tutorial so many times."
"You'd think just once you would have beaten this level by accident."
"I want you to put in the following code:" <insert infinite lives code of your choice here> "It'll give you infinite lives, but more importantly we can see if your keyboard works."
Perhaps you should try using your fingers rather than your elbows?

I didn't design this game for a quadraplegic, sorry.

I've heard of sleep walking but... sleep-gaming?? WAKE UP!!!

If I'd have known you were so bad, I would have saved my time and made this the last level...

I have the number for a Keyboard-Repair shop. Seems like you need it.

Please please PLEASE believe me. THERE IS NO ACHIEVEMENT FOR 1000 DEATHS!
"Sarcastic Butler" accent would do the trick
Congratulations, you have inspired a new achievement.

Die 1001 times across total playtime

Guys, I have a problem. It is now up to 137 different insults.
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Reactions: Rob


-did you get an arrow to the knee?
-maybe caring for old people suits you better.
-your finger probably slipped from your sweaty fingers.
-yeah, its just a game.
-maybe bash your head in the wall, maybe you become a genius at the game, or maybe you ACTUALLY DIE.


Jack of All Shades
-did you get an arrow to the knee?
-maybe caring for old people suits you better.
-your finger probably slipped from your sweaty fingers.
-yeah, its just a game.
-maybe bash your head in the wall, maybe you become a genius at the game, or maybe you ACTUALLY DIE.
The goal is to insult the player, not to insult our intelligence.


- at this rate, these messages are all that's stopping you from failing INFINITE TIMES.
- you should take that clamp off the forward button.
- (alternate) you should take that brick off the keyboard.
- good grief, a random number generator would have won by now.
- if I wanted to watch someone fail repeatedly, I'd watch Pokemon.
- I'd tell you to go outside, but you'd probably screw that up too.
- please consider getting prosthetic hands.
-There is a ambulance outside the house for some reason
-Need to fix the a button?
-Try restarting... oh you just did didn't you...
-I searched high and low for insults just for you

Even consider the results you'd get if you put this on redit? If you don't i probably will. :)


-where were you when the timing was right?
-that fell apart because of you
-puzzles don't solve themselves
-maybe you'll get through that obstacle next time
-you thought it was time for the achievement to be rewarded?
-how was that ever not be your first priority
-you made it but did you realize the game was only going to get more difficult if you decide you would give up now?
Hmm... Maybe you should play something else.

I know you learn from your mistakes but... I just don't think this is sinking in.

Wow! This is going on r/awfuleverything

You didn't mean to do that and yet you did.

This is why you should stick in at school.

I must admit, this part is challenging... for an old person.

One of your ancestors is rolling in their grave.

I wish I wasn't a computer... It gets tiring keeping track of how many times you've failed at this.

I think you've just made a new guiness world record with this many failures.


While I don't have any insult ideas, I'll throw it out there that I think it would be a funny idea to create background checkpoints in the level that measure how far the player got. The earlier they die, the worse the insult!

Freddy Jones

Your Main Detective
- Most people have a countable number of insults - you're a very special, large, case . . .
- If you could read you'd know by now you should stop.
- I'd say learn from your mistakes but you it'd be my mistake to think you'd learn
- There's a button made, especially for people like yourself, with a big red x on it.
- Beating this game isn't rocket science, but I understand why someone like you would think it is.
- There's a radish, somewhere, in some garden, in this world, that could beat this before you did.
- You can't have a refund if you don't actually play the game, which you're obviously not
- Congratulations, you're the record holder! You've held it for a while now - really.
- If you're feeling any sense of pride it's time you log in to "therapy.com"
- Please wait one minute. Gotta put your profile in the "hopeless players" category.
- I wrote you a poem: a loss for you, a loss for me; a win for me, but not for thee
- There's a trophy with your name on it - but I don't think it's one you'd want
- No no, it's possible to win. Grab anyone else and see for yourself!
- Someone out there believes in you, but as the statistics are showing you'll lose that too
- Luckily for me I'm no fortune teller; so I can keep my job as a teller for you
- This game was removed and is only displaying insults since that's all you're going to get anyways.
- Just because you can't win doesn't mean you can't have fun. So go play something else!
- How do you spell your name again? No no. That can't be right. I thought it went: "F A I L U R E"
- Shh no one make any jokes or insults. They might try to play again!
- You'll be happy to learn we've given players like you the option to skip this entire game!
- I'm not sure the player is looking at the right screen while playing
- Hi! It looks like this is your 1st time playing let me - oh . . . Ok, you do need help but not which I have.
- No one start any drinking games on this guy and this game
- Always go with the safe bet and the safe bet is whatever this guy doesn't choose
- There's an infinite amount of insults in this game but we've had to recycle a few since you started playing.
- Are you playing the game or are you playing yourself?
- Some people need encouragement, you weren't shipped that version of the game for a reason.
- If I removed the possibility of losing you'd definitely still lose somehow.
- A pile of rocks is more skillful than you.
- Anything's possible is not something anyone should be telling to you.
- If you can dream you can do it was said before anyone knew you'd dream anything
- I would never advise anyone to quit on their dreams - but surely you must be having someone else's dreams.
- Are you Dean Takahashi?
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