Please give feedback and tell me how I could improve the dialogue in my game. Game Script (up to an including demo, there is going to be about 5-10x more dialogue in the finished game) Scene 1 Meskhenet standing before gravestones, thinking out loud : "I never got the chance to meet you..." " I wonder what you were like..." "Yet I'll never know..." "I wish you had stayed..." "Even for just a while..." "So you could give me the answers to all of these questions..." "Mother and father..." "I'd better head back home now. It's getting late and I'm working at the store tomorrow morning." "This job is the only thing I have to take me away from all of the questions." "Questions that will never be answered." Scene 2 - A mother gets killed Woman: "HELP! PLEASE SOMEONE!" Soldier: "No one is coming to help you." Soldier: "Time to shut you up." Soldier shoots and kills the mother, then turns to face you Soldier: "You're next" Scene 3 - When you talk to the crying child in the house Meskhenet: "Hey there, are you alright?" Child: "Mamma! I want Mamma!" Meskhenet: "..." Meskhenet: "Look buddy it's not safe here, we need to get you out of here." Child: "What about Mamma?" Meskhenet: "We'll find your Mamma later. Now it's time for us to go. Come on buddy work with me, get up, I'm here to help you. Child: "Ok." Meskhenet: "Follow me and stay close." Scene 4 - When you take the child to the old man Senior Civilian: "Whatbrings such youth here?" Meskhenet: "I need you to look after this child for me." Senior Civilian: "Yes... Perhaps such youth shall shorten the days I am to wait." Meskhenet: "Well I'm heading west. I need to check on a friend." Senior Civilian: "That means you're passing the P.S.I building, am I right? Meskhenet: "Yes that's right. Why do you ask?" Senior Civilian: "Because you'll need this key. Here take it." Meskhenet:"Thank you old man." Senior Civilian: "Best of luck." Scene 5 - Triggered when you try open the door to your room in your house. The door is locked. Meskhenet: "Chisiri are you there?" Chisiri opens the door and comes out. Chisiri: "Meskhenet! Thank God, you're ok. Where have you been?" Meskhenet: "I was at the burial grounds..." Chisiri:"People in the city are being killed. They're killing innocent people for who knows what cause." Chisiri: "We can't leave the city, they came from the West and there could be more of them just beyond the city. We need to find out what's going on." Meskhenet: "What's going on? I don't have any idea what's going on." Chisiri:"The men that have been rampaging the citystole all of our trading goods." Chisiri: "I've seen these men before. I've seen them on that hill in the East part of the city." Meskhenet: "Alright then, that's where I'm going." Chisiri: "I was afraid you would say that. Just please becareful then Meskhenet." Scene 6 - Meskhenet notices crate which is essential for jumping on-top of buildings to get to laboratory Meskhenet: "I could've sworn that crate wasn't here before. Someone must have put it here recently." Scene7 - triggered when you enter the middle of a dark room in the laboratory Lights turn on, revealing 4 soldiers around you. Norcad: "Well what do we have here? Looks like the assassin has walked right into our trap." Norcad: "You see this power box discharging behind me?" Norcad: "I can usethis control switch to turn on or off everything operating in the laboratory, including the ent door to this control room." Norcad: "I don't know how you found our lab or if you know what our plan is but I do know that you can't stop us. No one can. Your town is the second one that we have seized." Norcad: "Soon we will control every town. But enough talk, it's time that your pursuit is put to an end." Norcad: "Now kill him!" Interact with characters to find extra dialogue, you can interact with these characters repeatedly talking to them again and again but they say the same thing (like in pokemon games) Senior Civilian (before taking child to him) "The days grow ever longer as I wait for him to come. I often play solitaire with myself to pass the time." Senior Civilian (after taking child to him) "Perhaps such youth shall shorten the days I am to wait." Chisiri (after triggering scene 5) "I've seen these men on that hill in the East part of the city. Just please becareful Meskhenet." When trying to leave the city you are stopped by text (before talking to Chisiri) Meskhenet: "I better check if Chisir is alright first. When trying to leave the city you are stopped by text (after talking to Chisiri) Meskhenet: "I must go to the hill in the East part of the city. Special Scene Part 1 - triggered when you enter a certain house Once you enter house, a man in the house points a gun at you immediately. Ex-Soldier: "Who are you? What do you want?" Meskhenet: "I'm not allied with these men here." (referring to the dead soldiers on the floor) Meskhenet: "My name is Meskhenet and I want to stop these men. I'm also searching for some answers to this madness." Ex-soldier lowers his gun Ex-Soldier: "These men wear similar battledress to what I had once worn." Meskhenet:"So you're an ex-soldier the. Who did you work for?" Mekshenet: "You said thy are wearing similar battledress to what you used to wear so maybe they work for your former leader." Ex-Soldier: "Impossible. I worked for Garai and he's long gone." Meskhenet: "So you were apart of the Age of Terror with Garai." Ex-Soldier: "That's right, but don't associate me with him. He was as hateful as they come, and full of malice." Meskhenet: "Yes that's exactly what I've heard." Ex-Soldier: "Feel free to have a look in that room there, you might just find something useful." Special Scene Part 2 - trieggered When going into the ex-soldiers room Ex-Soldier enters room and walks towards you. Ex-Soldier: "I see you've discovered my armoury." Meskhenet: "The two pistols at the top, they're the same as mine." Ex-Soldier: "Yes, the men I killed have the same pistols too." Meskhenet: "That long barell, second shelf from the bottom, would be an upgrade." Ex-Soldier; "Not long ago another came. He said he was working against these villainous men so I decided to help him." Meskhenet: "He had the same pistol as you before I gave him one of my long barrels." Ex-Soldier: "Here take this pistol, it re-loads faster than yours. We're all on the same side now after all." Talking to Ex-Soldier after special scene with him Ex-Soldier: "I'm looking for the mask of the infamous masked terrorist. If you find it bring it to me."