Dealing with Negativity

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Otyugra

Guest
At the risk of sounding cliche, I don't like like my father one bit. Yes, he works hard to make money so that I have somewhere to sleep and food to eat, but beyond that there is very little that is redeemable about my dad. Almost everything he says, with the exception of when he is at work or making a business call, is negative and vile. He acts like a kid and he has zero patience for anything. In long car rides with him, I put in headphones so that I don't have to listen to his cynical comments about my extended family, or how much he hates his job, etc. He sometimes even yells at my mom as though everything is her fault. If you were in my situation, what would you do?
 
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Matthew

Guest
Negativity is hard to escape in this world. It creates, raises, and then engulfs us. You fight it, or you die alone and angry. Some people try to abandon it. They leave everything and everyone they know and then wind up somewhere else, where everyone is a stranger. It's another random life, but one they chose. That's what I did. I quickly realized that my old friend was still here. Tell your dad to choke on it.
 

Mercerenies

Member
Negativity is hard to escape in this world. It creates, raises, and then engulfs us. You fight it, or you die alone and angry. Some people try to abandon it. They leave everything and everyone they know and then wind up somewhere else, where everyone is a stranger. It's another random life, but one they chose. That's what I did. I quickly realized that my old friend was still here. Tell your dad to choke on it.
Okay, not sure if this is serious or satire, but I'm going to treat it like it's serious by totally disagreeing with it. The worst reaction to negativity is negativity. You're just going to spawn off more hatred. I'll be the first to admit that, in that situation, I would react in kind and turn the whole room into a stressful mess of emotion and hate. But that's wrong, and it takes a better person than a cynical one like your father to understand that. It takes a better person to know when not to fight, to know when to just politely nod and move on with life. I'm not sure what your life situation is, so I don't know how often you have to deal with him, but if you can, just be polite when you're around him and then move on when you're not.
 
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Matthew

Guest
The wrath of the evil one, the service of their liberty, which is at ease
 

johnwo

Member
I've been through the same thing, some 10 years backs.

Parents, fathers in particular, seems to live on pride for some reason. (I'm not saying that all parents are like this.)
If you say that the one redeeming quality of your dad is that he puts food on the table and a roof over your head, then he probably feels that way too.
That's not a fun place to be in.
If you feel that your only function is to serve others, you get depressed, and that breeds negativity and cynicism.

I went through a phase about 1 years ago when I had to provide for my fiancé, as the job-market got tight and she couldn't get a job.
During the time I was buried in bills, had little to no free time, and had almost no money to spend on anything that would normally give me pleasure.
I got depressed, cynical, and for a time I even woundered if it was worth all the effort, as I would rather spend my time doing something else.
I started to blame my fiancé, even though she wasn't to blame for any of my misfortune.
It's not a place I would like to be in again.

Parents who provide for their family at the expense of their own freedom aren't going to be happy all the time. More often than not, they'll be in a crappy mood.
After I went through my phase, I could appreciate what my father did for me when I was growing up.
I could relate to the negative and the cynical.

I asked him once "Why do you put up with it if it brings you nothing but hardship?".
"Because I have to provide for you and your brother." he answered.
That's pride.
Doing something you hate to do because it's the right thing to do.

My best tip is to listen, ask questions, get a dialog going.

TL;DR
Be supportive even if it takes alot of effort, as it may just be the thing your father needs right now.

Best of luck!
 

RangerX

Member
Well, I don't know what's your age and what's the level of discussion you can reach with your father but if he's open to talk, there's no bad in telling him you noticed this negativity and that you are curious about it. Without judging him, what makes him this way? Or why should I perceive this as something else than negativity if I am wrong?

Because after all nobody is born like that. Its life that can make us like what you describe of your father. The more time goes on, the life projects we are in, the more people we meet, the life situations we fell in, it is possible that build up frustrations, negativity and a way of thinking. Many people do because its hard to stain perfectly sain, happy, frustrations free. Too many **** going on, to many bad people hurting others, too much corruption, injustice. This takes the head of some people, its not everybody that is strong enough to stay a certain way only by ideals and principles. We are the fruit of everything we lived since our birth and we harvest what we sow. Staying the same ideal, happy, prejudice free, frustration free humna being is extremely hard.
 
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2Create

Guest
That sounds exactly like my dad tbh. I tolerate him for the sake of my family, but there's nothing meaningful we can talk about without him getting upset sooner or later. He can take 0 criticism and it gets old really, really quickly.

There was a time when he'd accused me of being the problem, but nothing is different since I moved out. He still regularly clashes with some of the other household members in much the same way he previously did with me and he hasn't changed a bit.

I don't know what to do about it. I just stay away from him as much as possible and only talk about superficial things. It's the only way I can even remotely enjoy his company.
 

Shut

Member
At the risk of sounding cliche, I don't like like my father one bit. Yes, he works hard to make money so that I have somewhere to sleep and food to eat, but beyond that there is very little that is redeemable about my dad. Almost everything he says, with the exception of when he is at work or making a business call, is negative and vile. He acts like a kid and he has zero patience for anything. In long car rides with him, I put in headphones so that I don't have to listen to his cynical comments about my extended family, or how much he hates his job, etc. He sometimes even yells at my mom as though everything is her fault. If you were in my situation, what would you do?
He might be overstressed. Things will get better, don't worry too much. 👍
 
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