Turn 2 - Restaurant-like Singularities Players Misu - 10/10 HP; 2 ATK; 0 DEF; 5 MOV * Pepperoni Pizza - Single use. Gain 3 ATK for the current turn. Simple and straightforward. * (None) * (None) * (None) * (None) amusudan - 10/10 HP; 3 ATK; 0 DEF; 5 MOV * Memory of Pineapple Pizza - You actually ate it?! This item cannot be dropped voluntarily. Any post you make which does not contain the phrase "I can't believe I actually ate that" will be considered null and void, and actions in that post will be ignored * (None) * (None) * (None) * (None) Lukasmah - 10/10 HP; 2 ATK; 0 DEF; 5 MOV * Variety Pizza - Single use. Gain 1 ATK, 1 DEF, and 1 MOV for the current turn. +1 HP when used. * (None) * (None) * (None) * (None) Bingdom - 10/10 HP; 2 ATK; 0 DEF; 5 MOV * Bitwise Pizza - Single use. Preserve your energy by becoming bitwise. +2 MOV for the current turn. * (None) * (None) * (None) * (None) roytheshort - 10/10 HP; 2 ATK; 0 DEF; 5 MOV * Calzone - You just have to special, don't you? In that case, I'm not telling you what this item does. Single use. * Mercerenies the Tailor - As long as this item is in your inventory, it will happily make you custom-made suits. Once per turn, you can employ your private tailor to build you an article of clothing that will boost your stats by a small amount. If this item is ever dropped, Mercerenies gets to make his wish come true. * Bee Movie Space - This space is an item, for some reason. Every time you use it, a random word from the Bee Movie will be printed in the Happenings section of the update. If you want to use this item more than once on a given turn, each subsequent activation costs 1 HP. * (None) * (None) kepons - 10/10 HP; 2 ATK; 0 DEF; 5 MOV * Pizza Gun - Once per turn, you may shoot pizza sauce at a player on an adjacent space or the same space as you. That player will be mildly annoyed and will not be able to attack you for the current turn. * (None) * (None) * (None) * (None) Long-term Effects * If this iteration of the game is still around on Christmas Day in 2017, every player gets a super-special Christmas themed item. New Effects Spoiler * Pizza Gun - Once per turn, you may shoot pizza sauce at a player on an adjacent space or the same space as you. That player will be mildly annoyed and will not be able to attack you for the current turn. * Lava Space (red space with yellow texture) - Any player who passes this space and has more than 1 HP has their HP instantly decreased to 1. Tokens will try to avoid Lava Spaces if possible. * Piece of Pineapple (1 HP) - When a player passes this token, it disappears and the player gains 10 points. If a Piece of Pineapple ever hits 0 HP, it will transform into a random, very angry token that will pursue whoever dealt the damage. * Empty Board Map - This isn't very useful. It was recently destroyed by a cataclysm, so now it's just an empty map. * Meteor - Select an item anywhere on the board or in any player's inventory and throw this meteor at it. That item transforms into a useless variant of itself. This Meteor is then moved to the space the item was on or into the target player's inventory. If there's no room, it is dropped at the target player's feet. * Hell Tile (half-sized blue space with green continent) - Any player who passes this space is afflicted with the Black Butter status effect. While there is no one on this space, it may randomly emit Hostile Cows. * Hostile Cow (3 HP; 1 ATK; 2 MOV) - Pursues nearby players and attacks them. Hostile Cows are unaffected by Lava Spaces and will not try to avoid them. There can only be three of these tokens on the board at a time. * Black Butter - This is just part of the hazing ritual if you're new in Hell. MOV is halved (rounded down) as long as you have this effect, but Lava Spaces will not reduce your HP below 3. * Sailor Blue (3 HP; 1 ATK; 1 MOV) - He's like Sailor Moon, but instead of drawing his power from the moon, he draws it out of the blue. Moves randomly, and every time he passes a player, he attacks them and then all of that player's items are turned blue. Every turn, he spontaneously becomes more powerful as one of his stats randomly increases. * Mercerenies the Tailor - As long as this item is in your inventory, it will happily make you custom-made suits. Once per turn, you can employ your private tailor to build you an article of clothing that will boost your stats by a small amount. If this item is ever dropped, Mercerenies gets to make his wish come true. * Really Wide Mountain (dark gray space with brown mountains) - In order to move from this space to a space without "Mountain" in the name, a player must jump off the mountain, losing 5 HP in the process. * Sausage Space (faded gray space with brown sausage) - A player who lands on this space gets a sausage. This is not an item; it's a form of currency. * Mother (3 MOV) - Whenever a player passes her, she gives them a Cookie. If they already have a Cookie, she scolds them for being greedy, forcing that player to stop on the current space. * Father (3 MOV) - Moves randomly. Any player who passes him must tell him a dad joke that he hasn't heard before, or they will be forced to stop on the space and be lectured, dropping their MOV to 0 for the next turn. * Cookie - Single use. +3 HP. * Steve the Girlfriend (1 MOV) - Moves toward the nearest player. Immediately dates and then dumps any player she meets. Any player who passes her immediately returns to Start after being dumped. If any player ever says the name "Michelle" in their post, she will immediately jump to that player's space and attack them for not using her nickname, dealing 6 damage. * Angry Hospital (white space with red cross) - Whenever a player passes this space, an Angry Nurse will appear on it. This Angry Nurse will always pursue the player who passed the space. * Bee Movie Space - This space is an item, for some reason. Every time you use it, a random word from the Bee Movie will be printed in the Happenings section of the update. If you want to use this item more than once on a given turn, each subsequent activation costs 1 HP. * P/T Space (vague blue space with "P/T") - This space can't decide if it's a Pizza Hut or a Taco Bell. If it's a Pizza Hut and a player lands on it, they get a pizza-themed item. If it's a Taco Bell, they get a taco-themed item instead. There's a 1% chance when a player lands on it, that this space will currently be a Homicidal Maniac Space and will give them an item with a severe negative effect. * Black Hole (white space with gray swirl) - Time passes slower near a black hole. Any player who ends their turn on this space is held back a turn. That means that that player considers the board to be as it was a turn ago. Wishes and other effects that the affected player uses to affect the board only affect it in the present day. This affliction is cured if the player passes or lands on Start. These spaces have no effect on non-player tokens. * The Breadstick Ghost (2 ATK; 5 MOV) - Moves toward the nearest player. Attacks every player he passes unless that player can provide him with a Breadstick. Happenings * A wild kepons appeared. As soon as he did so, a Pizza Gun fell from the sky into his pear-shaped pockets. * amusudan eats a Pineapple Pizza. Gained 1 ATK permanently. Also gained the coveted Memory of Pineapple Pizza. * All gaps have become Lava Spaces. * A Piece of Pineapple has appeared on every Neutral Space. * Misu tried to wish for a meteor to destroy the board map. But where is the board map? Oh, right. It's one space off the board to the right. Well, the meteor obliterated that item. * A Hell Tile has appeared. * A blue sailor has appeared. He answers to Sailor Blue. * Mercerenies the Tailor lives in Roy's pocket now. * A wide mountain range has appeared on the board. Likewise, a really tall sausage has appeared. * A mother and a father have appeared. Steve the Girlfriend appeared in the lava, because why not? * An Angry Hospital Space appeared. * A Bee Movie Space appeared in Roy's inventory. * Roy has been promised a merry Christmas and a happy new year, by a long term effect. * Roy has been given a status effect making it so that every time he cries, a friend moves out of his life. Fortunately, the Start Space immediately cured it, so quickly that we didn't even get to see its description. * A combination Pizza Hut / Taco Bell that is also sometimes a Pizza Hut and sometimes a Taco Bell appeared. * A really fancy combo restaurant appeared and then collapsed on itself, producing a region of Black Hole spaces. In the center, an angry Breadstick Ghost appeared. * Roy gains the Miserable status effect, which is also instantly cured. * An Octopus Space appears... somewhere. It's out there somewhere, I promise. * All players and NPCs are afflicted with Drunk. Fortunately, the tokens are unaffected, there are no NPCs, and all the players are cured by Start. That didn't work... Announcements * Remember my rule, Roy? The more complicated your wish, the less it's going to go the way you intended. * By the way, the interactive board is actually up and running right now. I can't promise it's going to keep functioning correctly, because whatever programmer wrote that website is an idiot, but for now it works. Check it out.