Simon Gust
Member
I've been thinking alot about my life.
And everytime that thought ended, the outcome was me questioning my existence:
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Everytime I fail, everytime I dissapoint someone it feels like a giant rock weighing me down.
But everytime I succeed, nothing really changes.
I've heard this saying a million times: "Everyone makes a mistake sometimes".
It is used to make someone feel better when they do make a mistake.
The problem is just that everytime it is told to me, I feel worse.
How many mistakes is "a mistake sometimes"?
The reason I say this is because everyone seems to never make mistakes as often as I do.
And because of it, I pull the shorter straw.
Why do people succeed in their profession? How do people avoid making mistakes.
I know a lot of tricks, yet I still fail?
Why can I not understand the basics of my profession?
What did I earn all this flak for?
Why didn't I ask for help?
How do I ask for help if I am certain of my work?
Am I that unintelligent?
Am I that autistic?
Why do I exist?
What does the world need me for?
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I used to be worse when I was younger. I always had suicidal thoughts just for the smallest of mistakes.
Like not knowing a word in another language or a mathematical problem I couldn't solve.
How did it come to that?
The fact that my teachers told me I should not head straight for the mountain top and instead find my way up in a flatter route didn't make sense to me.
If they meant that, why did I receive so much flak for failing and dissapointing?
Was I overreacting? Am I still?
Anyway, it's too late now, time has caught me and there is not any left to succeed in my profession.
There is about a 0% chance of me finding a job after I've passed my second finals test or not.
I am looking forward to military and everything after. I want to be a game dev for gods sake.
I am just sooo triggered when I fail at something I should know. In school I had excellent grades, but everytime I was told to work on my profession I failed.
I was the only one to not pass the finals even though I had one of the best grades.
How do people execute what they learned irl? This isn't like they taught us in the simulations.
I am worried that once I start my new profession I fail the same way.
Don't worry about me, I'm not going to end myself. After what has happened the past couple of years,
I no longer feel the desire. I am not mentally or emotionally instable, I am just sad.
And everytime that thought ended, the outcome was me questioning my existence:
------------------------
Everytime I fail, everytime I dissapoint someone it feels like a giant rock weighing me down.
But everytime I succeed, nothing really changes.
I've heard this saying a million times: "Everyone makes a mistake sometimes".
It is used to make someone feel better when they do make a mistake.
The problem is just that everytime it is told to me, I feel worse.
How many mistakes is "a mistake sometimes"?
The reason I say this is because everyone seems to never make mistakes as often as I do.
And because of it, I pull the shorter straw.
Why do people succeed in their profession? How do people avoid making mistakes.
I know a lot of tricks, yet I still fail?
Why can I not understand the basics of my profession?
What did I earn all this flak for?
Why didn't I ask for help?
How do I ask for help if I am certain of my work?
Am I that unintelligent?
Am I that autistic?
Why do I exist?
What does the world need me for?
-------------------------
I used to be worse when I was younger. I always had suicidal thoughts just for the smallest of mistakes.
Like not knowing a word in another language or a mathematical problem I couldn't solve.
How did it come to that?
The fact that my teachers told me I should not head straight for the mountain top and instead find my way up in a flatter route didn't make sense to me.
If they meant that, why did I receive so much flak for failing and dissapointing?
Was I overreacting? Am I still?
Anyway, it's too late now, time has caught me and there is not any left to succeed in my profession.
There is about a 0% chance of me finding a job after I've passed my second finals test or not.
I am looking forward to military and everything after. I want to be a game dev for gods sake.
I am just sooo triggered when I fail at something I should know. In school I had excellent grades, but everytime I was told to work on my profession I failed.
I was the only one to not pass the finals even though I had one of the best grades.
How do people execute what they learned irl? This isn't like they taught us in the simulations.
I am worried that once I start my new profession I fail the same way.
Don't worry about me, I'm not going to end myself. After what has happened the past couple of years,
I no longer feel the desire. I am not mentally or emotionally instable, I am just sad.