Discussion Questioning my existence

Simon Gust

Member
I've been thinking alot about my life.
And everytime that thought ended, the outcome was me questioning my existence:

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Everytime I fail, everytime I dissapoint someone it feels like a giant rock weighing me down.
But everytime I succeed, nothing really changes.

I've heard this saying a million times: "Everyone makes a mistake sometimes".
It is used to make someone feel better when they do make a mistake.
The problem is just that everytime it is told to me, I feel worse.
How many mistakes is "a mistake sometimes"?

The reason I say this is because everyone seems to never make mistakes as often as I do.
And because of it, I pull the shorter straw.
Why do people succeed in their profession? How do people avoid making mistakes.
I know a lot of tricks, yet I still fail?

Why can I not understand the basics of my profession?
What did I earn all this flak for?
Why didn't I ask for help?
How do I ask for help if I am certain of my work?

Am I that unintelligent?
Am I that autistic?
Why do I exist?
What does the world need me for?
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I used to be worse when I was younger. I always had suicidal thoughts just for the smallest of mistakes.
Like not knowing a word in another language or a mathematical problem I couldn't solve.
How did it come to that?

The fact that my teachers told me I should not head straight for the mountain top and instead find my way up in a flatter route didn't make sense to me.
If they meant that, why did I receive so much flak for failing and dissapointing?

Was I overreacting? Am I still?

Anyway, it's too late now, time has caught me and there is not any left to succeed in my profession.
There is about a 0% chance of me finding a job after I've passed my second finals test or not.

I am looking forward to military and everything after. I want to be a game dev for gods sake.

I am just sooo triggered when I fail at something I should know. In school I had excellent grades, but everytime I was told to work on my profession I failed.
I was the only one to not pass the finals even though I had one of the best grades.

How do people execute what they learned irl? This isn't like they taught us in the simulations.
I am worried that once I start my new profession I fail the same way.


Don't worry about me, I'm not going to end myself. After what has happened the past couple of years,
I no longer feel the desire. I am not mentally or emotionally instable, I am just sad.
 

Mercerenies

Member
I've heard this saying a million times: "Everyone makes a mistake sometimes".
It is used to make someone feel better when they do make a mistake.
The problem is just that everytime it is told to me, I feel worse.
How many mistakes is "a mistake sometimes"?

The reason I say this is because everyone seems to never make mistakes as often as I do.
And because of it, I pull the shorter straw.
Why do people succeed in their profession? How do people avoid making mistakes.
I know a lot of tricks, yet I still fail?
I don't remember where I first heard this, but it rings very true for me: "Don't compare your behind-the-scenes footage to someone else's highlight reel". Yeah, it seems like you fail more than everyone else. That's because you've seen and experience every minute of your own life, for better or worse. Those "successful" people you see on TV, you haven't seen their failures; you've only seen what they want you to see, which obviously paints them in a better light. And even with people closer to you, you may know a lot more about them, but you still haven't lived their life. You can't enumerate all of their mistakes like you can your own, because you haven't seen them all. On the other hand, you can probably list off all of your friends' greatest achievements, because they shared them proudly. All this is to say that you tend to notice everyone's successes, but you can't really see people other than you stumble all the time, simply because you're not them. It's a sampling bias, nothing more.

What does the world need me for?
Meh the world doesn't need anything from any of us. We make our own paths. If you want to go into the military, then that's what you need to do. If you want to get an office job and start saving up, that's what you need to do. If you want to join a murder cult, well I'll visit you in prison, but that's still probably what you need to do. Do what you want.
 

Simon Gust

Member
I don't remember where I first heard this, but it rings very true for me: "Don't compare your behind-the-scenes footage to someone else's highlight reel". Yeah, it seems like you fail more than everyone else. That's because you've seen and experience every minute of your own life, for better or worse. Those "successful" people you see on TV, you haven't seen their failures; you've only seen what they want you to see, which obviously paints them in a better light. And even with people closer to you, you may know a lot more about them, but you still haven't lived their life. You can't enumerate all of their mistakes like you can your own, because you haven't seen them all. On the other hand, you can probably list off all of your friends' greatest achievements, because they shared them proudly. All this is to say that you tend to notice everyone's successes, but you can't really see people other than you stumble all the time, simply because you're not them. It's a sampling bias, nothing more.
As much as my brain wants this fact to not be true, it's nice to hear that.

I want to add to my statement of being autistic, that I have a hard time accepting failure of my own.
I am like a cartoon villian that falls into a raging seizure whenever he hears "disappointment".

When I was young, I couldn't stand losing when playing games or sports. I would always be so disappointed in myself even if it wasn't my fault.
I would go cry in a corner while others tried reasoning with me to no success. And even now, whenever I lose in a video game (even to the cpu), or fail coding something, I cringe and shudder. I get visions of me being laughed at and booed out by others.

It's also the reason I can't participate in the GMC Game Jam, because I'm afraid of losing and being disappointed.
Every loss and every disappointment is like a deep cut in my memory that doesn't heal.

I just can't get my brain to work correctly.
 

Bingdom

Googledom
As someone who has grown up with depression and anxiety, and currently suffers from it, I can relate to a lot of this.

I used to be worse when I was younger. I always had suicidal thoughts just for the smallest of mistakes.
Like not knowing a word in another language or a mathematical problem I couldn't solve.
How did it come to that?
For me, I completely overthink everything. E.g. every small interaction with someone can stress me out for days. Have I done something wrong? Why did they pause after I said something? I could've handled that situation better?
At times, I would punish myself for these/other mistakes. Fortunately, it didn't get too serious.
Neither of these are as bad as they used to be as they are now.

When I was much younger, I would see a psychologist due to my overwhelming fear of vomiting (which generated a huge fear of germs). I still have a fear of vomiting, but I don't take extreme precautions and have panic attacks like I used to.

Anyway, it's too late now, time has caught me and there is not any left to succeed in my profession.
There is about a 0% chance of me finding a job after I've passed my second finals test or not.
Education isn't for everyone. Don't be driven so hard about education is everything. People still find success and enjoyment in life with or without University/college.
(See [1])

In school I had excellent grades, but everytime I was told to work on my profession I failed.
I got great grades from compulsory school up until early-mid grade 11.
The first time failing an assignment devastated me and was something I didn't see myself as. It was an epiphany.
My depression continued to trail downhill... and moments occurred I would rather not talk about. Maybe later.

[1] I've had to ask myself a big question before continuing to study. Should I take an easier route to see if I can find happiness but potentially suffer from unforgiveness, or should I gamble redemption?

Right now, I've been getting decent grades in college, but it hasn't cured my depression like I thought it would. Maybe it wasn't the right answer, but time will tell.
 
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Neptune

Member
@Simon Gust I kind of like the saying, "Become a master of anything, and the money will come...". If you want to be a game dev, then just keep plowing away at it!

As for actual purpose for your existence, there probably isnt any (beyond your genetic code). But you can make goals!

Also you mentioned the military -- if you value your individuality, creativeness, intelligence then do not join armed forces... Every ounce of your potential would be squandered, and your intelligence will make you stick out like a sore thumb.
 
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Rob

Member
How old are you dude? I don't think you're old enough to say your life is over.
I used to worry about things a lot when I was younger and my mind would go around and around over the smallest of things. I'd have to analyze everything and anything and my anxiety would make me sweat just walking around, whether it be hot or cold.
I deal with things a lot better now and I'm able to keep my brain in check so that I don't mentally torture myself and I think that's what you're missing.
I guarantee you that if there's a mistake that you can make, I'll make it. I also know that other people mess up too. You think you make more mistakes than other people? Have you watched all of them 24/7 for their whole lives? That's not possible and it's just another silly voice in your head putting you down that you don't need to listen to.

I've been watching a lot of Jordan Peterson on YouTube these last few weeks/months and he makes a lot of sense. Guys need a purpose in life. They need to feel useful and if they don't have something to do then they'll waste away. If you want to know the answer to your existence then that's part of it.

I don't think anyone can give you an answer in a short time that will make you feel like you have no more questions but I'd recommend watching some Jordan Peterson videos as well as other people just to help you get a better perspective on life.

I think that the time when I've felt the lowest is when I didn't have anybody else's perspective to shine some light on my situation. It was far too easy for me to think "Oh no, I made a mistake" or "I didn't do this, now bad things are gonna happen and it's all over" and spiral downwards from there.

Bad things are gonna happen to you. Life will happen. You'll make plenty more mistakes but keep everything in perspective. Are you more knowledgeable than you were a year ago? Are you making progress in your goals? If so then the mistakes are part of the journey. If not then try and evaluate where you're going wrong and go from there.

/ramble
 
Life is tough for everyone. We did a "senior retreat" for my last year of high school where half the class camped out together for a night and did a bunch of group activities. One of the later activities was basically just.... getting up on stage and telling your secrets to everyone.

It was crazy. All these super popular, overachieving, super successful classmates of mine broke down into sobbing, shuddering piles of shame and agony. 90% of the people, no exaggeration, talked like you are now, and more:
-I feel like everyone secretly hates me.
-I get all As, but it feels like I'm just pulling off an act somehow. I have no confidence.
-I feel like I'm constantly 💩💩💩💩ing up
-I want to kill myself every other day
-I feel like there's no future for me
-I don't think my family actually loves me
etc, etc. It was like an episode of Evangelion, except every character was Shinji's even sadder cousin. It was mind blowing to me!

Basically, everyone's life sucks, at least sometimes. You're not a special version of 💩💩💩💩-up or anything, just the normal EXTREMELY COMMON kind. I think most people go their whole lives being scared little kids inside, which makes sense, because life makes no sense.

I can tell you're much smarter than the average person just by the work you've posted here, Simon. You've never struck me as any sort of autistic or anything. If you're feeling that way, I imagine it's because you're around people a few int levels lower than you. You get along with us other smarties on the GMC just fine.

For your existence question.... you exist for yourself. You're not going to kill yourself, right? With the gift of your will, you've decided that isn't an option. Since that's off the table, the only thing left to do is to try to live as happy a life as possible. Do whatever you want! That's why you exist!
 
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Gamebot

Member
I failed in school miserably. With some disabilities I never really had a teacher to teach. Simply "present" by rewriting on the board examples of what was in the book. I still believe, at least then, the explanations were the hardest and always the same way.

It wasn't until college and beyond I started to understand concepts that I should have learned back in grade school, middle school, and high school. I went back and really tried to understand what was going on with certain subjects. Especially, math. You know what I found. It's nothing more then counting. Addition, multiplication, even number systems are nothing more then counting and patterns. Since, our brain memorizes patterns much easier then formulas it really helped. I learned to break down fractions such as 3/8 to 3, 1/8's. Concepts like these might seem silly but it just means I had to think a completely different way in order to understand them.

What was this secret??? I found out according to others and certain tests that I was intelligent. In my case, the ability to think differently, to find out how to describe things in the most basic way. Ways that schools will tell you should know but never relate the new material to the old. A bit "Magoo" I definitely am. Intelligence is the ability to think outside the box, sometimes the box is huge but still the ability is there. I ALWAYS fail but find an answer anyway. I pick myself up were I left off and sometimes start over again to find an answer. NEVER feel ashamed or depressed when something doesn't work out. When it does work out be proud of what you accomplished. Don't worry about what you went through to get there. You got there. This should be overwhelmingly simple to take a deep breath Conrad yourself for a job well done! Seriously, do it now.
 
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Simon Gust

Member
Thanks for all the support, that's awesome!

I understand that I am not a special f***-upper, it's just that when I look at my surrounding it really feels like that.
I really have to accept failures and losses, I just don't know how yet. It's really hard to change your DNA code in your brain by just saying to act different but I appreciate the effort and speech.

About the military, I didn't mean going to military and to the war. Just the obligatory 10 Months.
 
N

NeonBits

Guest
I don't remember where I first heard this, but it rings very true for me: "Don't compare your behind-the-scenes footage to someone else's highlight reel". Yeah, it seems like you fail more than everyone else. That's because you've seen and experience every minute of your own life, for better or worse. Those "successful" people you see on TV, you haven't seen their failures; you've only seen what they want you to see, which obviously paints them in a better light. And even with people closer to you, you may know a lot more about them, but you still haven't lived their life. You can't enumerate all of their mistakes like you can your own, because you haven't seen them all. On the other hand, you can probably list off all of your friends' greatest achievements, because they shared them proudly. All this is to say that you tend to notice everyone's successes, but you can't really see people other than you stumble all the time, simply because you're not them. It's a sampling bias, nothing more.
This part is nice. And I think there was enough in the other posts. I don't think it's necessary to add more at OP than maybe you were surprised by reactions in the past and went realy hard on yourself to also reach goals as high as some others have reached.
Meh the world doesn't need anything from any of us. We make our own paths. If you want to go into the military, then that's what you need to do. If you want to get an office job and start saving up, that's what you need to do. If you want to join a murder cult, well I'll visit you in prison, but that's still probably what you need to do. Do what you want.
But this is an old song repeated over and over until irony brings back to reality. It's still super fun to sing and great to trash on but it's nothing more than a way that the mind finds to not get on too much pressure or to escape. Since you were born, you were part of the world, and each second your world hope for the best of what other worlds have to share. We follow the path that we're on and add to it, but it is never truly our own. The world is the scene of the best and the worst, but our own world wants a positive balance, which means one just cannot do what it wants.
 
M

Misty

Guest
As much as my brain wants this fact to not be true, it's nice to hear that.

I want to add to my statement of being autistic, that I have a hard time accepting failure of my own.
I am like a cartoon villian that falls into a raging seizure whenever he hears "disappointment".

When I was young, I couldn't stand losing when playing games or sports. I would always be so disappointed in myself even if it wasn't my fault.
I would go cry in a corner while others tried reasoning with me to no success. And even now, whenever I lose in a video game (even to the cpu), or fail coding something, I cringe and shudder. I get visions of me being laughed at and booed out by others.

It's also the reason I can't participate in the GMC Game Jam, because I'm afraid of losing and being disappointed.
Every loss and every disappointment is like a deep cut in my memory that doesn't heal.

I just can't get my brain to work correctly.
Sounds like some sort of extreme narcissism to me.

Honestly, I would feel sorry for you, except you took that PoshIndie guy's side over mine. And you seem to get too irritated that I don't think highly of your tutorial. Because you tutorial says, that it can generate terrain, but it just generates just squiggly lines. So why not just call it a squiggly line tutorial? Then it would be a success, you would have succeeded at something, which is a squiggly line tutorial.
 

Simon Gust

Member
Sounds like some sort of extreme narcissism to me.

Honestly, I would feel sorry for you, except you took that PoshIndie guy's side over mine. And you seem to get too irritated that I don't think highly of your tutorial. Because you tutorial says, that it can generate terrain, but it just generates just squiggly lines. So why not just call it a squiggly line tutorial? Then it would be a success, you would have succeeded at something, which is a squiggly line tutorial.
Sounds like your loss to me if you can't make painting with only lines at your disposal.
Just because my line created a cave doesn't mean it couldn't create a baseline, a mountain, a canyon or a planet. I've developed and studied runners for almost 1 year now. Do you really think I don't know what I am talking about when I write these tutorials?
 
M

Misty

Guest
Sounds like your loss to me if you can't make painting with only lines at your disposal.
Just because my line created a cave doesn't mean it couldn't create a baseline, a mountain, a canyon or a planet. I've developed and studied runners for almost 1 year now. Do you really think I don't know what I am talking about when I write these tutorials?
Your first post seems to answer that question.
Why can I not understand the basics of my profession?

The fact that my teachers told me I should not head straight for the mountain top and instead find my way up in a flatter route didn't make sense to me.
I suggest you follow your instinct and do not follow their advice, but instead, head straight for the mountain top, in terms of generating terrains.


Sounds like your loss to me if you can't make painting with only lines at your disposal.
Just because my line created a cave doesn't mean it couldn't create a baseline, a mountain, a canyon or a planet. I've developed and studied runners for almost 1 year now. Do you really think I don't know what I am talking about when I write these tutorials?
It is my loss, well, not really, since I didn't really lose anything from the ordeal besides my emotional stability.

Yes, sure it can create a canyon, mountain, planet...why stop there. I bet you can even create a whole galaxy, or a universe...don't let limits get in your way.
 
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Smiechu

Member
There is a saying:
"Only someone who makes nothing, never fails"...

And to cheer you up:
I've moved 2 years ago to another country without even base knowledge of the language which is used here...
It's over two years, and I still learn the language, and make a ton o failures every time I speak. Does it stop me from speaking? Working? Telling jokes? Having friends... no... why?
Just piss on your fails... they really doesent matter... as long as you go forward and you figh, you are a winner.
 

Jabbers

Member
It is my loss, well, not really, since I didn't really lose anything from the ordeal besides my emotional stability.
It's really hard to change your DNA code in your brain by just saying to act different
One of the later activities was basically just.... getting up on stage and telling your secrets to everyone.!
If you want to join a murder cult, well I'll visit you in prison, but that's still probably what you need to do. Do what you want.

This thread is wild... o_O
 

Gamer (ex-Cantavanda)

〜Flower Prince〜
When I was younger, I wanted to be the best in everything.
Our school system was like "everyone is special, everyone is a winner" and that pissed me off.
I wanted to do everything good and win at everything, I hated everything I did because it was not perfect enough.

Eventually I matured.

Humanity is imperfect, and every one of us is too. No one is good at everything, let alone a winner. Geez, even the smartest scientists of history were wrong at times, and those now still don't know everything.
You gotta accept that you are imperfect too. That you are not a winner at everything, or like most people, not THE BEST at anything.
Is that bad? No, not at all, it is normal.
Is normal bad? Is like most people bad? No not at all.
What makes you a winner is having a good personality, being humble, and loving. That's what makes you a TRUE winner and "superior", and makes you not want to be superior or a "winner".
Be happy for the people who beat you, be happy for the people who are good at certain things, don't look down on people who suck at certain things.
Be happy that you can enjoy and fulfilment in the things you do.

I personally suck ass at painting, I'm the worst painter ever, I draw like a little girl, but do I care? No! I'm super happy when I paint, and enjoy it a lot.
I don't want to ruin painting for me by being perfectionist and getting angry over every little detail. I just wanna have fun.
Does that make me inferior to Da Vinci? No, because my goal in life is not to become a painter, and painting doesn't define you as a person.

Work on your personality, and eventually you will not question your existence and be joyful and maybe even happy. It's all so simple as that.

Here is a Bible verse that tells you qualities of a good personality, it's called "the fruitage of the spirit":
Galatians 5.22 and 23:
On the other hand, the fruitage of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.
New World Translation from 2014
 

Simon Gust

Member
When I was younger, I wanted to be the best in everything.
Our school system was like "everyone is special, everyone is a winner" and that pissed me off.
I wanted to do everything good and win at everything, I hated everything I did because it was not perfect enough.

Eventually I matured.

Humanity is imperfect, and every one of us is too. No one is good at everything, let alone a winner. Geez, even the smartest scientists of history were wrong at times, and those now still don't know everything.
You gotta accept that you are imperfect too. That you are not a winner at everything, or like most people, not THE BEST at anything.
Is that bad? No, not at all, it is normal.
Is normal bad? Is like most people bad? No not at all.
What makes you a winner is having a good personality, being humble, and loving. That's what makes you a TRUE winner and "superior", and makes you not want to be superior or a "winner".
Be happy for the people who beat you, be happy for the people who are good at certain things, don't look down on people who suck at certain things.
Be happy that you can enjoy and fulfilment in the things you do.

I personally suck ass at painting, I'm the worst painter ever, I draw like a little girl, but do I care? No! I'm super happy when I paint, and enjoy it a lot.
I don't want to ruin painting for me by being perfectionist and getting angry over every little detail. I just wanna have fun.
Does that make me inferior to Da Vinci? No, because my goal in life is not to become a painter, and painting doesn't define you as a person.

Work on your personality, and eventually you will not question your existence and be joyful and maybe even happy. It's all so simple as that.

Here is a Bible verse that tells you qualities of a good personality, it's called "the fruitage of the spirit":
Galatians 5.22 and 23:
On the other hand, the fruitage of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.
New World Translation from 2014
I understand that, it's just that in profession, failiure is not acceptable. I can't really get a job just because I'm a good person. I have to show skills but even if I learn those skills, I am going to f it up when it matters most.
 

Gamer (ex-Cantavanda)

〜Flower Prince〜
Oh yup, sadly it is needed in a profession. But you were talking about everything you do so I meant that.
Sadly this professional world asks you to perform and outperform everyone.... Toxic asf. Especially after school teaches you that "everyone is a winner and special", well in the real world only very few are. Inconsistent.

I mean yeah an example of how personality and maturity doesn't matter but performing and pure intellect is Donald Trump. The dude has an IQ of 173 and 20 at the same time.... In some ways a toddler and in others a genius businessman. He was a bully as a kid, probably has done unethical things to achieve his goals but he is a winner to this world. Is now ruler of one of the most powerful nations in the world.
 

chance

predictably random
Forum Staff
Moderator
I have to show skills but even if I learn those skills, I am going to f it up when it matters most.
Then choose a profession where there's no consequences for failure. Politics !

Seriously, stop talking yourself into failure. Study hard and find something you enjoy. Do the best you can and learn from your mistakes. You'll be fine.
 

Simon Gust

Member
I do not have to outperform others, I just can't fail. And I've done it multiple times in the past.
I knew what I was doing and I didn't think I failed, until I get told that I failed.
It's like a slow car staying behind me until the very end, where it just zips past me and I have no idea what to do about it.
I fail just as hard as I study, that is what it feels like.
I can do everything in theory my profession requires me to do, until I have to do it.

I want to change profession. I struggle to be allowed to change profession, you know, money doesn't grow on trees. I don't want to live on the street.
 
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NeonBits

Guest
Our school system was like "everyone is special, everyone is a winner" and that pissed me off.
Everyone IS Special, everyone IS a Winner. And I will always believe this in one single person, a pure stranger, until that person decides to give up and choose to destroy someone else's progress and accomplishment. Each single being has potential. Maybe not the way you see it. But each person will make at least one action in their life that will make a difference and a positive change. That is Special, that is what makes a person a Winner. Maybe not a winner for the fools and blind ones, but this is what money cannot replace; the substance in existence; and only the one who makes that choice will understand what being rich means, that person and the one/those who receive. Everyone Is Special, Everyone is a Winner, and nothing will make me believe in inferiority and superiority.
 
Everyone IS Special, everyone IS a Winner. And I will always believe this in one single person, a pure stranger, until that person decides to give up and choose to destroy someone else's progress and accomplishment. Each single being has potential. Maybe not the way you see it. But each person will make at least one action in their life that will make a difference and a positive change. That is Special, that is what makes a person a Winner. Maybe not a winner for the fools and blind ones, but this is what money cannot replace; the substance in existence; and only the one who makes that choice will understand what being rich means, that person and the one/those who receive. Everyone Is Special, Everyone is a Winner, and nothing will make me believe in inferiority and superiority.
Was Hitler a Special Winner, too? O:
 
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NeonBits

Guest
Everyone IS Special, everyone IS a Winner. And I will always believe this in one single person, a pure stranger, until that person decides to give up and choose to destroy someone else's progress and accomplishment.
I do not believe that you're reading what I am saying. Or maybe you think it's garbages. Or maybe you are trolling. But I think you know what I mean. And I think you understand why such statement has been made over and over again, after each conflict, regardless of the era.

No matter what era and part of the world we came from, if we have that chance, we appreciate the friends we make, hear about what's happening around ourselves, wish for the best, and want to prevent unecessary conflicts by instructing the good each one can do.

If you feel that you do not have your answer, re-read.
 
I do not believe that you're reading what I am saying. Or maybe you think it's garbages. Or maybe you are trolling. But I think you know what I mean. And I think you understand why such statement has been made over and over again, after each conflict, regardless of the era.

No matter what era and part of the world we came from, if we have that chance, we appreciate the friends we make, hear about what's happening around ourselves, wish for the best, and want to prevent unecessary conflicts by instructing the good each one can do.

If you feel that you do not have your answer, re-read.
Half trolling, yeah. Sorry, hahah. I don't think what you're saying is garbage, but I'm not sure I agree that everyone is exactly the same amount of special. Some people light up the world a lot more than others... I dunno!
 
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Gamer (ex-Cantavanda)

〜Flower Prince〜
Everyone IS Special, everyone IS a Winner. And I will always believe this in one single person, a pure stranger, until that person decides to give up and choose to destroy someone else's progress and accomplishment. Each single being has potential. Maybe not the way you see it. But each person will make at least one action in their life that will make a difference and a positive change. That is Special, that is what makes a person a Winner. Maybe not a winner for the fools and blind ones, but this is what money cannot replace; the substance in existence; and only the one who makes that choice will understand what being rich means, that person and the one/those who receive. Everyone Is Special, Everyone is a Winner, and nothing will make me believe in inferiority and superiority.
Everyone is a unique individual and has their quality, I also love everyone, even bad people and think everyone has good in them. Everyone is imperfect, but has beauty in them, if you look enough.
If that is the defenition of special and winner, you are 100% right. It pissed me off when I was in school, but now not anymore.
It mainly pissed me off because it was not how this cruel world works, so it gave them a bad idea of it. Of course while growing up you will get the correct idea of this world, so it's not a problem if every kid gets thought they're a winner.
 

Pfap

Member
Fake it till you make it!

But, for real... maybe look into taking a philosophy course at a local college? I have personally found it, besides entertaining; also enlightening. Anyways, a prominent philosopher named Friedrich Nietzsche said that the
The demand to be loved is the greatest of all arrogant presumptions.
(my own words) The reason hierarchy's suck is that
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
And that
We love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving.

So...
…
…
…

what do you love?






I love my family. ( don't have a wife or children ) { still love my family }

I love programming... or I think I do. Maybe, it is game design that I love... I am still figuring it out.

I love God. ( But now that I'm in my head thinking... I think this should be above family, but I am stopping myself from copying and pasting this above that... because I believe it doesn't matter )

I love the Green Bay Packers.

I love pineapples. ( why... hmmm, because they are like a party in my mouth )

I love party's. ( though, party is difficult to define )

I love defining things. ( Though everything can't be defined ) { makes me think of an Einstein quote something where everything that can be counted does not count and I can't remember the rest }




Side point... not that it matters, but Einstein married his cousin.
If you tell anybody at least in America that you are going to marry a person of the same "sex" as you, for the most part nobody bats an eye. But, if you say anything about your hot cousin... oh boy!



I love leaving just a hint of mystery.

I love the idea of being a pro wrestler.

I love the idea of being a lot of things.

I love the realization that I can only do so much.

I love that I can decide what it is. ( which leaves the difficult decision of what to do with my inherently limited time )

I love singing ( I can't sing that great... my voice sometimes cracks and I'm 26.. why does my voice crack! It is sometimes embarrassing! ) { It does not stop me! }

I love that making the world better for even 1 individual has endless "ripples". ( and you have made my life better by helping me out with stupid problems... like getting the arguments wrong with draw_sprite()
draw_sprite(sprite,subimg,x,y) which I confused for draw_sprite(x,y,sprite,subimg) )


Anyways, I could sit here thinking and typing for forever or.... until the end.

Definition:
Philosophy;
the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence, especially when considered as an academic discipline.


Or basically the study of thinking.

Thinking is difficult, don't let it consume you. Your time is limited.

Steve Jobs:

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.


Do your own thinking! Which is not Steve Jobs' thinking! Maybe, after you rigorously think about it you determine other's thinking is not dogma, but rather society moving forward.



These are some of the things I think about... what do you think about and love?
 

Simon Gust

Member
Fake it till you make it!

But, for real... maybe look into taking a philosophy course at a local college? I have personally found it, besides entertaining; also enlightening. Anyways, a prominent philosopher named Friedrich Nietzsche said that the


(my own words) The reason hierarchy's suck is that


And that



So...
…
…
…

what do you love?






I love my family. ( don't have a wife or children ) { still love my family }

I love programming... or I think I do. Maybe, it is game design that I love... I am still figuring it out.

I love God. ( But now that I'm in my head thinking... I think this should be above family, but I am stopping myself from copying and pasting this above that... because I believe it doesn't matter )

I love the Green Bay Packers.

I love pineapples. ( why... hmmm, because they are like a party in my mouth )

I love party's. ( though, party is difficult to define )

I love defining things. ( Though everything can't be defined ) { makes me think of an Einstein quote something where everything that can be counted does not count and I can't remember the rest }




Side point... not that it matters, but Einstein married his cousin.
If you tell anybody at least in America that you are going to marry a person of the same "sex" as you, for the most part nobody bats an eye. But, if you say anything about your hot cousin... oh boy!



I love leaving just a hint of mystery.

I love the idea of being a pro wrestler.

I love the idea of being a lot of things.

I love the realization that I can only do so much.

I love that I can decide what it is. ( which leaves the difficult decision of what to do with my inherently limited time )

I love singing ( I can't sing that great... my voice sometimes cracks and I'm 26.. why does my voice crack! It is sometimes embarrassing! ) { It does not stop me! }

I love that making the world better for even 1 individual has endless "ripples". ( and you have made my life better by helping me out with stupid problems... like getting the arguments wrong with draw_sprite()
draw_sprite(sprite,subimg,x,y) which I confused for draw_sprite(x,y,sprite,subimg) )


Anyways, I could sit here thinking and typing for forever or.... until the end.

Definition:
Philosophy;
the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence, especially when considered as an academic discipline.


Or basically the study of thinking.

Thinking is difficult, don't let it consume you. Your time is limited.

Steve Jobs:





Do your own thinking! Which is not Steve Jobs' thinking! Maybe, after you rigorously think about it you determine other's thinking is not dogma, but rather society moving forward.



These are some of the things I think about... what do you think about and love?
That's a nice poem and I do realize what you mean.
My goal is just so far away, I wanted to be game dev but I never got the chance.

Yes I know that I can be what I want, but the requirements chain me to the ground.
I've failed in one profession, not because I got bad grades in school, quite the opposite, I got excellent grades.
It's just that I fail to execute something that I learned, why? I don't know why it happens. Probably cursed.

I lack experience, but my boss still uses me as a cheap work force. I almost want to say that this is why I failed my finals in the task you need experience instead of knowledge.

Right now I am gaining experience by doing something similar than I did in my finals project. I want to understand what I am doing but the constant time pressure from my boss really doesn't help that. He wants that I finish already so I can do his cheap work. I hate when he sneaks up to me everyday asking when I finish the project and telling me to hurry. Not one compliment I was given the entire 2 years, just critisism. I even lost a lot of progress in the middle of the project due to data loss from a software bug. I got the flak for it of course.
That's been going on the past month or two.
I am so happy once I am done with this place, it sucks.
 

Pfap

Member
That's a nice poem and I do realize what you mean.
My goal is just so far away, I wanted to be game dev but I never got the chance.

Yes I know that I can be what I want, but the requirements chain me to the ground.
I've failed in one profession, not because I got bad grades in school, quite the opposite, I got excellent grades.
It's just that I fail to execute something that I learned, why? I don't know why it happens. Probably cursed.

I lack experience, but my boss still uses me as a cheap work force. I almost want to say that this is why I failed my finals in the task you need experience instead of knowledge.

Right now I am gaining experience by doing something similar than I did in my finals project. I want to understand what I am doing but the constant time pressure from my boss really doesn't help that. He wants that I finish already so I can do his cheap work. I hate when he sneaks up to me everyday asking when I finish the project and telling me to hurry. Not one compliment I was given the entire 2 years, just critisism. I even lost a lot of progress in the middle of the project due to data loss from a software bug. I got the flak for it of course.
That's been going on the past month or two.
I am so happy once I am done with this place, it sucks.
Hmmm, I would honestly need to check my own resume to know how many jobs I have "worked". But, I must have been employed by at least 15 different businesses in less than 5 years! In the "business" world business is king.




Everybody, is always like leave 2 weeks notice so future employers know you are respectful or a good employee... I think I have left a 2 weeks notice maybe twice and still have pretty much no problem finding a "job"... now finding a job I want to do is a different story. Anyways, in my experience most companies value a person who makes their own decisions over a person who makes decisions based on anything based in the past.


It sucks because in a way all the "business" world is concerned with is doing "business". Most people think of business as making a profit.
I think off business as: " a group trying to reach a specific goal ". In my words this may or may not have anything to do with deadlines or profit etc...

Or could deal with anything.


The important thing to be clear on is what you are signing up for?


Is it a paycheck?
Is it experience?


Whatever it is what are you "exchanging" for it?
As all business in my mind should be a fair exchange!


Whether time, money or other.
 

Simon Gust

Member
Apprenticeship is a bit different than a real job.
If you get fired from a job, you just get a new one.
But if you fail in an apprenticehship, you won't get a job by definition.
Either live on the street or do another apprenticeship for a different profession. And living on the street sucks.

Whether I pass or not, The outcome is the same:
I want to switch from mechanical designer to computer scientist. Maybe I don't suck at a profession I am destined to be talented in.
Not trying to brag, but I've achieved so much more in the 2 years of programming than in the 4 years of designing mechanical parts.
 

Smiechu

Member
've achieved so much more in the 2 years of programming than in the 4 years of designing mechanical parts.
Why don't you find a machatronic job? You can have take the advantage of your experience from mechanics and use your passion to programming.o

Edit:
Oh... and man... please. The whole history of technical development is a one big stream of great fuc&$* ups. We could start with greek myth about Dedal und Ikar...
 
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E

ethian

Guest
I also question my existence, sorry...

Why i live in a world that just one small piece of it includes what i like?
Why the rest of the world that is most of it is unlikeable for me?

It would be cool if the world has more things i like more than thinks i don't like/don't care... right?
 

RizbIT

Member
You could make a poem with some of that.

Id say life is everlasting..

Look at the world it goes with the flow, what needs to happen happens in nature.

When we chase only things that we dont have like money and women and cars then sometimes it can get better of you and leave you feeling down when you dont get those things.

So set yourself some non materialistic goals like doing Yoga every morning. This gives you some achievable goal that is maybe easy to do and build on
 
M

Misty

Guest
You could make a poem with some of that.

Id say life is everlasting..

Look at the world it goes with the flow, what needs to happen happens in nature.

When we chase only things that we dont have like money and women and cars then sometimes it can get better of you and leave you feeling down when you dont get those things.

So set yourself some non materialistic goals like doing Yoga every morning. This gives you some achievable goal that is maybe easy to do and build on
Don't know about yoga but its a good idea to do Yogurt every morning. Gut health increases mind health.
 

Bingdom

Googledom
Sorry to bring back a slightly old thread.

Since I left this off with a conundrum (for me), I feel like I should provide a bit of an update on this.
I've had to ask myself a big question before continuing to study. Should I take an easier route to see if I can find happiness but potentially suffer from unforgiveness, or should I gamble redemption?

Right now, I've been getting decent grades in college, but it hasn't cured my depression like I thought it would. Maybe it wasn't the right answer, but time will tell.
Roughly more than 6 months ago, 2 of my brothers dropped out of high school to pursue their career. It was difficult for me to accept it at first, as this was something I wasn't comfortable with (I didn't intervene with their actions. In fact, I wasn't told that they were transitioning at all). After some time, I stayed at their place. I avoided spreading my speculation and remained open-minded. I observed, and immediately learnt that they were happy with their current circumstances. However, from that point, It was too early for me to accept this change.

It took time, but I learnt to accept that you can still live a happy life, regardless of your educational background. I had to accept the way they are (and most importantly yourself). You decide how you want to live with your life; Knowledge development, relationship status, living conditions, etc. Obtaining a bachelor is your responsibility.

My advice is to not get too caught up with high-level education (if it's still a problem with you). I'm seeing the other side of the story from people at a similar age (my brothers) and it's convinced me enough that if university suddenly doesn't work out for me, there's always options I can take that doesn't require a bachelor.
 
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